SILENCE

I was special mentioned during our Clustered CHUVA earlier today at East Central School. “KABATA-BATA NAKASIMANGOT.. INIWAN KA BA NG BOYFRIEND MO?” GrRrRrRrRrRrR.. I wanted to walk out the hall, it was really embarrassing. The world is very inconsiderate sometimes. But then I realized I don’t have the right to feel negative towards them because they don’t really know what’s going on. And most of all, they won’t mind. It was just a joke to wake up the sleepy souls of my fellow teachers in District I. It didn’t mean anything to offend me or something.

Maybe some can notice the glow less girl in me lately. Those who see me everyday. But they chose to just let me overcome it on my own since they knew me as a brave girl who can survive anything even without some sort of moral support. There is a part of me who wants some comfort from other people. But this is my personal crisis and the only person who can help me is my self. The friends I am asking to be there is enough that they make me laugh to some silly matters about our calling and anything. That’s all.

I also want to share this one unusual thing that happened to me before the training was ended. I told Mam Myra that I envy her for having someone who calls her “Hani” (Honey) and someone she can call “Hoy” (short for Honey also). I don’t usually think about what’s missing in my life. I don’t want to sound bitter. I am happy, yes, happy, that love still works to other people.

I don’t remember when was the last time someone used an endearment name to call me, when was the last time someone said I love you to me. I envy her for having someone who can’t afford lo lose her. And I wonder would there be a time someone will be afraid to lose me, too?

I am contented on how my life goes on. I have a not so perfect family, but just fine to get some strength to go by day by day. I have a fulfilling job with the children of different natures that keep on inspiring me to be better and better. But I am like every normal woman who is wanting to have someone they can share their life with. Someone who can be my sparring-partner, partner-in-crime, buddy, bestfriend.

Well, I just want to express those things that made my day. I am still young. Though my status is already an issue, I still don’t I have to feel desperate like some I knew. 22 is very far to last trip. There will be more choices or collections. I would just enjoy the “sceneries” (and try some if there are chances hehe)

The best thing to do now is wait for my turn.

PANA-PANAHON LANG ‘YAN MGA MARE ‘di ba?

GOOD GIRL

bahay-school..

school-bahay..

some of my friends say when they see me "BUHAY KA PA PALA"

for the last 6 months, ang dami kong ginive up.. or i set aside some things i used to give importance..

hindi madali.. pero now i could say na somehow may maturity na akong nakikita or nararamdaman sa sarili ko..

sa halip na uminom, maglakwatsa, i chose the stupid reports in school to be my companion all the time.. mahirap mag-isa, pero mainam na sanay na 'ko.. hindi naman kasi sa lahat ng panahon, nandiyan ang mga tao na tinatawag nating kaibigan..

madaming bagay ang nagpalungkot sa 'kin lately, pinilit kong kayanin lahat ng mag-isa.. though there is still sadness or emptiness, kayang-kaya ko namang i-handle..

masaya ako.. alam ko na bawat araw may katuturan ang mga effort ko.. kasi may trabaho ako.. may mga bata na nangangailangan sa 'kin.. and it's enough for me to stay this way..

tama si ivy, i should celebrate, at last single na naman.. my stand is clearer.. and i am now back to reality..