MOVING ON

this will never be easy... like working in cityville to level up, as we strive to step higher, the harder it gets...
i've gone this mess over and over again... it may take time, but one thing is for sure, i'll make it through...

i should have not let this to happen to me... i should have not let them enter my life and hurt me... but whatever decision i make, step i take, no matter how much it breaks my heart, i will never ever regret letting them be a part of me...

the pain i feel right now is just proof that i never play safe in my life... i risk all the chance... i dream... i build... i make... i break... i laugh.. i cry... i love... i hate.. i fight... i let go... i don't give much  focus on what i would gain... i don't mind what i would lose...

maybe i just want to cry all these... i just want a hug from people who mean to me... i just want to end this tonight... say goodbye to some things and some people that need to be out of my life now... it hurts me.. it makes me weak.. but if this is for the best, i will embrace it and move on..

STRANGER TO EACH OTHER FOREVER.....

ngayon ko lang ba na-realize 'yon? yes... boba nga kasi ako 'di ba? all these years, i have considered him one of the best people in my life... pero bakit nga ba? kasi siya ang first boyfriend ko? first love? first broken heart?

am too old to be too sentimental... too late to hate him for breaking my heart... pero nabura nga ba lahat ng panahon? i don't think so... time never let me stop expecting to hear him talking about things i want to hear... i don't remember if he asks my forgiveness and i don't remember if in any way, i made him feel that i forgot what he had done to me...

siguro hindi ko makakalimutan lahat kasi it's one of the significant turning points sa buhay ko... sinira n'ya lahat ng magagandang paniniwala ko about this life to make me see the reality, the real world... hindi lahat ng tao ay kagaya ni mama at papa na kaya akong mahalin ng totoo... ang sakit ng katotohanan, kasi nag-expect ako ng sobra-sobra from him... siguro kasi, bata pa 'ko no'n... akala ko mahal n'ya din ako.. pero hindi.. at hinding-hindi ako magiging bahagi ng buhay n'ya kahit kailan... isa lang akong saling pusa...

wala na akong magagawa to change things... ayoko man, masakit man, mahirap man, kailangan ko ng tanggapin na matanda na talaga 'ko... kailangan ko ng harapin ang masasakit na katotohanan... soldier will never ever be mine... sir archie and i won't be bestfriends forever.. and ayie is just an outsider in my real world.. he is just one of the objects in my virtual world.. one of my fantasies for a perfect world as a young and very naive girl that i should let go now...

i guess it's not too late to start my life all over again... this is the best move, one of the best decisions that i would do for myself... hindi naman siguro pagiging makasarili 'yung mahalin ko 'yung sarili ko above all... all i ask is, be happy for me... kung hindi man ngayon, sana sa dadating na panahon...