first week of classes, super stressed ako, not because of the loads in school, because i was so worried about being hmppppp preggy........ [sigh] it's not that i don't want a baby... of course i'd love to be a mom... but not now... i was relieved when i had my monthly period on the weekend...
if ever nabuo, i'll be moving out, kakayanin ko lahat ng mag-isa... talagang ganon, bunga ng kalandian yon... pero i promise hindi ko ipapangalan sa tatay niya... yeah i know, ang sama ko talaga... pinakakasalan na nga ako, umaayaw pa 'ko tapos ganon pa ang gagawin ko... ano ba talaga ang problema ko?
i want jonathan out of my life... tinatanong ako ng ibang kaibigan, EH BAKIT LAGI MO PA DIN KASAMA? deep inside me, alam ko na one day magsasawa din siya at mapapagod sa 'kin kaya hindi ko na kailangang pahirapan ang sarili ko sa pagtataboy sa kanya... alam ko na siya na din ang kusang lalayo sa 'kin kaya hihintayin ko na lang ang araw na 'yon...
oo, alam ko, ang sama-sama ko... ang walangya ko... berat ako... luka-luka... ano pa ba?
sabihin na ng lahat ang sasabihin nilang masama about me pero wala pa din naman silang alam kung ano talaga ang nandito sa loob ko... wala namang nakakaalam at nakakaunawa sa damdamin ko...
pero ano pa man ang pinagdadaanan ko i still have to go on, for the kids... 47 kids... i have 47 reasons to live... 'yung kung ano ako ngayon, 'yun na lang ang mahalaga sa 'kin at nagbibigay sa 'kin ng direksyon sa buhay ngayon...okay na din 'yon.. enough to be happy...
Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me... Sometimes I just want a hug... Someone who will let me cry...
June 11, 2011
June 1, 2011
CROSSING THE BOUNDARIES
honestly, after all, I still don’t want to include him in my plans, I can’t see him with me in the very far future… indeed it won’t be surprising if one day I would wake up without him in my life anymore… what is so wrong? so unacceptable? So unpleasant about him? Or rather, spending my life with him? well, the problem is not with him… but with me… because I am too strong, too proud to give in… too damn controlled of my pride...
Wish I could talk what’s really here inside me… even this blog can’t seem to be comfortable to hold on… LOGOUT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)