I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!
Buong mundo na ang nagpamukha sa ‘kin non..
Iniyakan ko na, tinawanan ko na, nandiyan pa din.. Kahit anong iwas ko, ‘yung mga pagkakataon naman parang nanadya pa na ipaalala sa ‘kin na OY, MINSAN NANDIYAN KA..
Gusto ko lang naman dumating ‘yung araw na masabi ko sa sarili ko na MALI AKO.. Hindi dapat.. TAMA NA.. Hindi na dapat.. Pero alam niyo kasi kung ano ang masakit, ako pala ‘yung hindi karapat-dapat..
Kaya nga gusto ko ulit mangarap.. Kagaya ng mga batang kasama ko araw-araw.. Gusto kong mangarap ng higit sa apat na sulok na mundo ko sa ACA.. Naisip ko na kahit kontento na ‘ko sa kung ano ako ngayon, hindi pwedeng hanggang dito na lang ako..
Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me... Sometimes I just want a hug... Someone who will let me cry...
November 23, 2008
November 14, 2008
ANO BA TALAGA?
Someone asked me if I am ready to open my heart again. I made a joke “I’m always ready”.. But deep inside me there was “Am I?”..
We talked last October. Sabi ko gusto ko lang na maayos kaming maghiwalay. He asked me if that was what I really wanted to happen. I said it’s up to him. Then, I asked him if he still loves me, he said even if he would say yes, it’s not going to work.
I wished he just said NO, I don’t love you anymore or I have never loved you at all. Than made me feel he still does but I am not deserving of it. It’s too painful for me to talk about this but I know it won’t help to just suppress all the feelings that make me weak each day. We are just human. We have emotions. So it is okay to be hurt and cry. Our tears do not mean we are hopeless. In a way, my friend is right, that is the only way I could love myself at this point.
Regrets? A little. Those times I failed to say how much he means to me. And that was it. Just like everybody else who experienced or is experiencing this kind of emotional crisis, I have to step on acceptance level and look forward. Hindi na ‘ko umaasa na magkikita pa kami. O ‘yung sinabi niya na sa March na lang kami mag-usap pag-uwi niya. I am done. It’s a disservice to myself to hope that we still have the chance. Even I’ve tried; I can’t be a better girl for him.
Those who read this, if ever you see me, just smile at me. This is a turning point in my life I mostly needed other people’s glow. Don’t worry, in time, I will be healed. I will be ready to open my door again.
We talked last October. Sabi ko gusto ko lang na maayos kaming maghiwalay. He asked me if that was what I really wanted to happen. I said it’s up to him. Then, I asked him if he still loves me, he said even if he would say yes, it’s not going to work.
I wished he just said NO, I don’t love you anymore or I have never loved you at all. Than made me feel he still does but I am not deserving of it. It’s too painful for me to talk about this but I know it won’t help to just suppress all the feelings that make me weak each day. We are just human. We have emotions. So it is okay to be hurt and cry. Our tears do not mean we are hopeless. In a way, my friend is right, that is the only way I could love myself at this point.
Regrets? A little. Those times I failed to say how much he means to me. And that was it. Just like everybody else who experienced or is experiencing this kind of emotional crisis, I have to step on acceptance level and look forward. Hindi na ‘ko umaasa na magkikita pa kami. O ‘yung sinabi niya na sa March na lang kami mag-usap pag-uwi niya. I am done. It’s a disservice to myself to hope that we still have the chance. Even I’ve tried; I can’t be a better girl for him.
Those who read this, if ever you see me, just smile at me. This is a turning point in my life I mostly needed other people’s glow. Don’t worry, in time, I will be healed. I will be ready to open my door again.
November 7, 2008
ALONE.. ALONE.. ALONE..
Accidentally someone read that while I was writing it in my private notebook..
The whole week was a battle of who are true and just pretending they are to me.. Ako na lang ang nagibigay ng SPACE sa sarili ko..
NOBODY IS PERFECT.. gasgas na gasgas na in my daily struggle to the world.. It is really true that we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try.. Nakakapagod din namang maging MISS FRIENDSHIP..
Sanay naman akong mag-isa.. I hate being with the people I couldn’t stand.. Hindi ko ugaling makipag-plastikan sa mga taong naturingan ngang mga propesyunal pero behind your back sabi nga ng isang kasama, wala kang ganda o buti para sa kanila..
Nakakalungkot talagang isipin na sa edad ko na ‘to, wala na akong matagpuan na tunay na kaibigan.. ‘Yung mga kaibigan ko pa din noon ang mga takbuhan ko.. Sila pa din ang kahit pa’no nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa ‘kin na kahit na dinadaganan na ko ng buong mundo.. Okay lang, lilipas din ‘yon at mapapagod din sila..
The whole week was a battle of who are true and just pretending they are to me.. Ako na lang ang nagibigay ng SPACE sa sarili ko..
NOBODY IS PERFECT.. gasgas na gasgas na in my daily struggle to the world.. It is really true that we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try.. Nakakapagod din namang maging MISS FRIENDSHIP..
Sanay naman akong mag-isa.. I hate being with the people I couldn’t stand.. Hindi ko ugaling makipag-plastikan sa mga taong naturingan ngang mga propesyunal pero behind your back sabi nga ng isang kasama, wala kang ganda o buti para sa kanila..
Nakakalungkot talagang isipin na sa edad ko na ‘to, wala na akong matagpuan na tunay na kaibigan.. ‘Yung mga kaibigan ko pa din noon ang mga takbuhan ko.. Sila pa din ang kahit pa’no nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa ‘kin na kahit na dinadaganan na ko ng buong mundo.. Okay lang, lilipas din ‘yon at mapapagod din sila..
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