BESTFRIEND;(

i was quite sad this morning about that almost an ayer issue.. and when i opened my fs a while ago and saw stit on who's viewed me list, i suddenly feel sadder.. i miss him.. everytime i express it in any network, ate febs rescues.. thanks to her..

hindi naman madaling hindi malungkot.. for those who knew us, they would understand.. bata pa lang ako, isa siya sa mga taong alam kong mahal ako.. pero wala naman akong magagawa.. sabi nga ni Bro, kung mahal talaga natin ang mga taong mahal natin, gagawin natin ang totoo at mabuti para na din sa kanila..

hindi ko akalaing tatanda ako ng wala siya.. sana nga, time will come, he would find in his heart to forgive me.. at sana maisipan niya pa din akong lingunin.. i really miss him..

Dismay

My fairy tale has ended today.. my fantasies died.. but i know I've got to move on and even if I couldn't let go that soon, at least, I should try..

All these years, I've tried to be the girl that he deserves, sad to say, i just couldn't be enough for him.. I may not be one of the best women in the world but i am neither one of the worst.. sabagay, 'eto lang kasi ako.. hindi ako maganda at sexy.. one of the ordinary faces you may see.. and i have nothing to offer.. hindi ako mayaman.. simpleng tao lang ako.. hindi pa matalino..

One day, I know even if I am not deserving, I will be loved by someone who could see my worth.. even I am only what I am.. even i am nothing.. Because I realized, LOVE is given without any condition.. Am I right?

STRONGER? Perhaps.. I wish.. This is a heart breaking turn for me.. And I have to be brave enough to embrace all the discomfort it will cause me.. I need to continue my life even without those things and people that mean so much to me.. I won't need a friend or anyone to help me at this point of weakness.. This is my personal battle.. It's only me who can allow myself to overcome this despair i am going through..

What makes me feel better at this instance, it gives me the reason to dream higher and bigger for myself.. I pray that God will heal all the wounds inside me in a short time.. I can only ask his comfort because i know it's only him who could understand the pain i feel right now.. I am leaving everything on his hand tonight and hope that when i wake up the next day, i will be fine, somehow..

CRUSH:)

i know he won't be interested to me even though he said i am pretty and look amiable..
well, hindi siya gwapo.. i just find him interesting.. he looks responsible.. TALL, DARK and a PNPA graduate..

don't worry.. nag-iilusyon lang ako.. okay na 'yan.. back to basic hehe:)  parang teenager ba?..

if this is the only way i could bounce back, why not? go!

natutuwa lang ako sa kanya.. is that bad? my friends will be pleased to see him.. something new about me.. something that gives me hope that i could fall in love again..

badly needed to refresh my spirit.. somehow, it makes me feel better.. through the pain and disappointment i am facing right now, there is someone who can make me feel alive.. thank you..  

and sorry if you think i am being too makulit and praning.. 

LOVING YOU MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING..

Closing a door doesn’t mean being unhappy for the rest of your life.. Instead of blocking myself to have a good time, I take all the chance to enjoy..

When I cried in front of my colleagues, somehow, it relieved my grief.. knowing that I am not alone in the darkness.. that’s when I felt there are people who care.. who can extend their shoulders to comfort me.. even if I will refuse to let them..

Everybody goes to the roughest road in his/her life.. and it happens to be my turn at this point.. but I won’t let this defeat the whole me.. When I feel like crying, I cry.. When I want to talk, I know God listens..

Healing may take a long long time.. but I am determined to face the weakness.. We are processed by pain to make us better and stronger as we grow older..

We cannot have a perfect life.. Whatever happens to us, we can still live the most of every moment that we’ve got..

Just breathe and pray to God..

You’ll be alright.. 

Sympathetic???

this is what Pare and I used to argue, about me being so open to everybody.. because that's all I could do, adjust or modify my world just to give some comfort, at least, to those who need it..

who i am to judge someone I haven't known yet? I AM NOT PERFECT.. I am not a saint.. I am loaded of misdemeanors as a person.. And it is unfair to accuse anyone without any basis but impression..

Anyway, may standard ba talaga when it comes to love? friendship? or being in a "RIGHT" relationship?

As long as both parties are HAPPY with each other, without hurting anyone, nothing else matters..

GO for it.. and most of all, GROW with it..

MOST IMPORTANT

When you go offstage of your life, all you've got is the collection of your memories.. Isn't it great to carry less sad moments and more of happy moments?

Nothing is more meaningful than do something to make things happen.. Our life is only but ONCE..

Eat all you can.. Drink all you can.. Walang bawal-bawal..

I know the roads in our life are bumpy most of the time.. Pwede naman tayong umiyak.. Pwede din namang tawanan na lang natin lahat.. As long as we keep on going.. Normal lang din na mainis tayo, magalit.. But at the end of each day, surrender everything to God.. Clean your heart by praying.. by asking forginess.. and by forgiving.. So the next day you are no longer permitted to exist, you would face your exit without feeling sorry for the things you should have done..

No one can cause you the happiness you deserve except yourself.. If you cease yourself to have a good time in your life, it's all your fault..

If you want to die happy, be happy while you are still alive..

Go out in your shell and explore the world outside..

ENJOY! that's all..

AWAY FROM HOME

biglaan talaga 'yung alis ko, not because someone suprisingly appeared in ACA, it wasnt suprising for me, for them, hehe, i was expecting him to come.. para patunayang hindi siya drawing..

ive been wanting to be away from the things i see all the time before i was confined..

to get myself lost and find a way to get back.. magulo ba? gusto kong iwala at hanapin ang sarili ko hehe:)para maiba naman.. 

pero hindi naman ako ganon kajunganga para mawala.. magaling pa din ang survival instinct ko kahit san ako masuot.. isa pa, may cellphone ako, si ayie ang haharassin ko just in case hindi ko na alam kung sang lupalop na ko napadpad..

HAPPY.. learning new things is great.. meeting new people is greater.. 

importante sa kin lahat ng bago ngayon kasi that makes my life exciting.. and different.. kahit physically tiring.. at kailangan may alam ka sa madaming bagay.. kahit na tsismis lang.. it matters, hehe:)

bawal uminom? walang bawal-bawal sa 'kin.. sabi nga ni Jun Balde, ANG BUHAY AY HINDI PAHABAAN, ITO AY PASARAPAN..

ACA R and R

LEARNING

WALA AKONG PAKIALAM, the last words I remember I mentioned to him.. meaning, GET OUT OF MY LIFE.. so cruel of me.. but if I didn’t do that, I will forever restrain myself from moving on.. Alam ko naman na kaya niyang maging masaya ng wala ako sa buhay niya kaya gusto ko lang din na maging masaya ng wala na siya sa buhay ko..

At first it was a torture knowing he’s just 11 numbers away, two buses away.. to talk things over.. but what for? To make things harder for me to bear? It’s a disservice to myself to still hope, when all those trying times I’ve had, it was only me who wanted to fight for the relationship ‘til the end..

I am done.. I did my part to revive us.. I gave my best for us to survive.. Even I love him so much, I need to let him go and find myself without him.. It is never easy to let go the one you have loved so much in your life.. but I will make it.. no matter how long it may take.. because I’ve got to.. even not for myself..

Nakakalungkot mang isipin.. madaming mahahalagang bagay at tao sa buhay ko ang unti-unting nalagas ng panahon.. After four years, here we are.. living happily apart.. Here I am, living happily into pieces.. Sobrang frustrations ‘yung pinagdaanan ko.. Pero tahimik kong hinarap lahat.. Kahit gustong-gusto kong umabsent nung mga panahon ng filing sa Pampanga last Feb, hindi ako umalis.. I made the best with the kids who needed me the most.. And it was worth it.. no regrets..

At ‘eto ‘yung pagkakataon na sana ibang uniform ‘yung suot ko.. ‘yung pagkakataon na tinitignan naming dalawa noon.. sana may military wedding ngayon.. sakto na nandito siya.. Kahit gusto kong umiyak, hindi ako makaiyak.. Gano’n pala kasi, the weakest moment of your life is your strongest..

Ayokong isiping nawalan ng saysay lahat ng hirap at pagsisikap ko.. Kung hindi naman dahil sa mga ‘yon, hindi naman ako matututo sa buhay ko ngayon..

I’ve run after the chances along my journey, even if all those chances only failed me the same way repeatedly, I never standstill through all of the blocks that hindered me on every endeavor I have carried for so many years.. All of the disappointments I have successfully passed made me a defined person that I am today.. The black sheep is now whitened by the bleaches products from varied emotional crisis.. The bad girl is now virtuous because of the different exposures from the real world.. The withdrawn is now sensible because of the pain caused by the people who come and go in my life.. The inferior is now assured about herself..

I’ve learned that life is not about winning or losing, but learning and growing.. No matter how many times we stumble and sink through the risks we have taken in our life, we can always stand up and move forward.. Our life will never stop on where we fall.. Your heart will still beat even if it is broken.. We can still make the most of our life by letting things be.. You cannot cease the hands of time to tick, so better get the best out of everything that comes your way.. Tomorrow might be too late if you just let things pass you by..

Love the people who love you, even those who don’t.. keep the memories if they are valuable.. forgive those who cause you pain and pray for those who can’t to you.. drink.. get yourself drunk.. cry.. all these things are free except the alcohol.. hehe:)

Anyway, I would like to thank the people whose been with me all the way.. “I AM NOT THE EASIEST PERSON TO LOVE, BUT YOU, YOU’VE OPEN YOUR HEART AND SHOW ME WHAT I’M WORTH”..

Maraming salamat sa mga pagkakataon na alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa.. kahit na praning ako.. sumpungin.. may topak..Salamat Mam Charot.. Mam Judy.. Mam Myra.. Mam Irene.. Ate Sherlie.. Nimrod.. Mam Lisa.. sa mga bata.. Melisa, ang bestfriend ko.. at siyempre si Angelica Joyce, na kahit anong mangyari, talagang alam kong SOLID sa ‘kin.. at kay V, lalo na sa’yo.. salamat..

On the way to Gabaldon:)

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things..

WEAKLING

last night was really embarrassing but it made me more at peace after crying like a helpless kid, huhuhu, i feel i am whole again.. the pieces are no longer needed to be fixed.. unanswered questions are no longer needed to be heard..

i cannot give the full details, just respect that i want to keep them to myself..

sorry sa mga kasama, i ruined the night.. and thanks, for staying beside me.. for understanding, even in my silence.. for the hug.. moral support.. all was very much appreciated..

thanks also to ayie.. in spite of his indifference, he tried to reach out.. kailangan ko lang talaga ng kaibigan.. ng kakampi.. karamay.. at this point i am in pain..

okay naman na 'ko.. i believe i am strong enough to take the helplessnes.. i just need more time to overcome everything that makes me weak..

salamat din sa boss namin for giving me the chance to enjoy my vacation.. i am leaving tom morning and be back for our emergency meeting on Tuesday..

i am not complaining whatever is happening inside me.. i know God only wanted me to learn more about this life.. i will hold on to my faith that in due time, all will be healed, and i will be perfectly fine..

idol ni JONA si NORA

i posted this last month.. http://jonarizza.blogspot.com/2010/03/congratulations.html..
for V..

may temporary amnesia siguro ako kasi hindi ko naalala si mam nora..

i like her.. siguro kasi we have a common denominator.. human mirror.. sobrang HONEST.. straightforward..

pasaway???

hindi.. i don't think so.. compare naman sa ibang mga mapagmagaling na teachers, reliable ang source ko na napakagaling niyang teacher sa mga estudyante niya, may concern sa development ng mga bata.. and that's the most important thing about being a teacher..

madami nga diyan na nagagawa ng matino lahat ng report at forms, ang tanong NAGTUTURO NAMAN BA o nagtitinda lang? sorry sa tatamaan.. pero 'yan po ang realidad..

nakakalungkot noh? madaming nakakalimot sa tunay na purpose nila sa institusyong kinabibilangan namin.. hindi ko masagot kung VOCARE o CALLING bang matatawag kung nasa teaching ka, o aksidente lang, wala lang.. wala ka lang mapuntahan.. Pero tama ang isang kaibigan, kung nandito ka, it's what you give to your pupils that matters the most..

ayokong pairalin ang pagka-komunista ko.. gusto ko lang imulat ang mga mata ng ilang nakasara na may mga taong hindi sadyang matigas ang ulo kagaya ko, kagaya ni mam nora, ni ivy, ni (WHO ELSE?)
hindi lang po kami takot na mag-isip, magsalita at kumilos..

totoong sa madaming pagkakataon, we cannot win everyone.. lagi ko 'yang sinasabi.. but as long as we stand completely for what is right and just, no one can ever put us DOWN..

kaya mabuhay ka mam nora.. i'll do my best 'yung sinabi ko sa'yo, in the years ahead..

HANGGANG SA TAGUMPAY!

FINAL PLAN

VICTORY

Alam niyo ba ngayon lang ako nanalo sa laptop ko hehe:) na-bad trip kasi ako sa color kanina, nasira 'yung drinowing ko.. sayang..

OVERVIEW

I was confined in the hospital for three days and it brought varied adjustments on my usual activities.. I became a prison of the do’s and don’ts.. All my fault, I knew it.. I’d been careless on my own health.. It’s the price for abusing myself.. But then, no regrets.. Some modifications are not that bad after all.. I am convinced that I am emotionally qualified to face this weakness.. My friends are always there cheering me up.. as well as I know God is also there backing me up..

I drink the prescribed medicine on time.. 2 litres of water a day.. fresh buco juice.. fruits.. less sweet foods.. less salty foods.. no junkfoods.. no alcohol.. I find time to exercise.. and I try not to let unattractive thoughts fill my head, to avoid anxieties.. Our emotion affects our health the most.. At all times, we really need to be strong.. to be the strongest.. no matter how tough the times may seem.. Because it is not easy to lose ourselves while we are still alive..

What happened to me was not that serious, but do I need to wait to be at the worst condition to start taking care of myself? Perhaps, it was a reminder to be considerate to my own self.. to give my health more concern especially now that I am not getting any younger.. Wala ng bawal, pero kailangan ko pa ding mag-ingat.. There is nothing wrong to be health conscious, if I want to live longer, older hehe: )

Sounds meaningless, but when you‘ve come at the point you would feel you will die any moment, you’ll realize I am absolutely right..

LETTING GO