Sana maisip ninyo na habang kayo ay nagngingisngisan, kami ay NILALAPASTANGAN SA LANSANAGAN. Wala naman kaming angal sa trabahong 'to. Ayan, nagtitiis kami sa sobrang init, nagtitiis sa uhaw, sa gutom. Kahit naliligo na kami sa ulan, naliligo ng pawis. kahit na nahihilo na kami, masakit na ang ulo, ang paa, ang loob, sige pa din kami. Wala naman kayong maririnig na reklamo sa amin. Kahit nga IILANG TEACHER LANG ang nahihirapan ng ganito. Kung SERBISYO at SAKRIPISYO ang pag-uusapan, sana walang pabori-paborito. Dahil hindi madaling habulin ng aso, hindi pinapansin, tinatalikuran, napapagkamalang masamang tao. Hindi naman namin hinihinging maapreciate ninyo kami, sana lang, kahit konti lang, huwag ninyo ng pabigatan ang loob namin...

SEE?

mali nga siguro ako... maling-mali ako sa mga ginawa ko, ang sama pa ng ugali ko.. okay na yon...nawala na ang lahat sa akin kaya ano pa ba ang panghihinayangan at pagsisisihan ko?


gusto ko na lang ayusin ang buhay ko sa ngayon at itahimik ang isip ko...


okay lang ako... sa napakadaming pagkakataon, alam ko na walang hindi nababago ang panahon...

JONATHAN

Gusto kitang akapin ng mahigpit at sabihin sayo na mahal na mahal na mahal kita..Pero wala akong magawa ngayon kundi umiyak na lang, gaya noong umalis ka... Ayokong umalis ka non kasi ayokong mag-isa... Pero alam ko na hindi ko pwedeng ipagkait sayo yung pagkakataon na makabangaon ulit. Mahal kita kaya kahit mahirap para sa akin na umalis ka, hinayaan kita.. Tanggap ko lahat. kahit hindi mo nga ako maidate dati, hindi naman ako naghanap.. Masaya na ko sa 7 eleven lang, basta kasama kita.. Hindi naman na natin inexpect na makasampa ka pa, blessing na lang na nakaalis ka ulit. Hindi kita iiwanan kahit na anong mangyari.. Naalala mo nung hindi ka makalakad dati at hindi ka matayo, inalagaan kita. PINUPUNASAN PA KITA, LAHAT-LAHAT haha! Lagi mo yong iisipin. Hanggang sa pagtanda ko, hanggang kaya ko, aalagaan kita at pupunasan kita... Isa lang naman ang hiling ko sayo, huwag na huwag mo kong lolokohin, dun kita hinding-hindi papatawarin... Mahal na mahal kita, Langgam! See you soon!

CAMOTENESS at CITY OF PINES

POWERPUFF @SUMMER CAPITAL

on the roads of sayote city

WELCOME TO BAGUIO CITY

@PANGASINAN

LoooOng HAIR:)

CHEEKS!!!

Itchayness

ABOUT TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Baboy dropped by in the house a while ago. Hehe, am referring to Epeng, that’s how we call each other coz we are both FAT. We talked about anything and everything. About Tsek. About what happened before in the rendezvous with Langgam’s party. About her plan with B**** tonight. :) We just laughed about our foolishness. And we are planning to lose weight for the coming days lolsss! Am really excited!

It’s really a nice feeling to be with the people who do not mind if you’re hands get dirty when you eat, who do not care if your hair is in a disaster mode, who do not see you as somebody else but just that plain person that you are. They are the ones who love us unconditionally, the ones who do not and will not compete with us, secretly, and the ones who do not and will not EVER let us down, unconsciously. They are what we called TRUE FRIENDS.

Thanks, Ateng! Happy chicharon day tom. C U again:) -Diche

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

Why you are so worried about my absence does my presence matter? If your biggest concern is to deride about how I dress, how I think, how I speak, how I relate with other people, how I live my life, go find all of my fault. After all it’s not me who is the problem here. It’s you who were not taught of good manners by your parents and right conduct of your church. Be reminded that individuals are different and it’s only a big deal to those who don’t understand. I’m not asking you to appreciate me, us. Just don’t waste your precious time disparaging about all the people around you as if you are a saint. NOBODY IS PERFECT, and so are you?

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Stop hating me. We can be friends, you know. We can drink together, you know. Play games with me and my folks, you know. It’s more fun to be friends with other people, you know. Just let me know. I’ll be the one to break the walls you built and make a bridge.  SMILE: )

STIT

I wish I’m sharing with you all the details about my life. I wish to share with you my happiness and my sadness, and yours to me as well. But most of the time you make me feel that you don’t care anymore. I have never imagined time would bring us to this point we are more than strangers to each other. I know I could never change the circumstances and I would never want to regret them just to bring you back. Things happened. So sad, our friendship was the price.

I just want you to know that you will always be a part of me. I owe you lots of things and I will not forget that. You will forever be my bestfriend. –BUDANG

PWERSA ng mga ABUNAS

A Memory of my Beloved TSEK;(

Time can bring you down, time bend your kness

Time can break your heart, have you begging please

BEGGING PLEASE...

Tears in Heaven, BABY;(

ABUNAS kami kaya MASAYA kami:)

ANG CONTROVERSIAL NA SISIG, bow!

My First Day BACK TO WORK

FOR MY LITTLE ANGEL

we learned that i was pregnant a day before jon's flight to sydney. he was hesitant to leave because we're not married, he knew my pregnancy will cause me troubles in my profession. but i don't give a damn if i would lose everything. from that moment it was confirmed, thats all that matters to me. and i was so proud i'll be a mom. but one morning i woke up i was bleeding. i lost my baby already. i felt my world stopped, i almost gone insane.

it was the most painful experience that i've ever had. each day i'm trying to be strong but deep inside me i know the sadness will never go away. i will forever grieve for my little angel... but i love you so much baby, i want you to rest in peace.. see you in heaven!

i'm always listening to this song, because if ever i would meet in heaven my little angel i'm wishing he/she knows even just my name.. all i want is to hear he/she calls me MOMMY RIZZA.

HAPPY HEART'S DAY!!!

Para sa nag-iisang lalaki na inakyat ko sa bahay namin.. Sa nag-iisang lalaki na ipinagluluto ko... Sa nag-iisang lalaki na ipinaglalaba ako, pinaplantsa ang uniform ko at ipinagtitimpla ako ng kape... hehe! Sa nag-iisang lalaki na tumatagal sa tantrums ko at umaakap sa akin kapag umiiyak ako.. Sa nag-iisang lalaki na hindi ako tinalikuran at handang gawin ang lahat huwag lang akong mawala sa kanya... Sa nag-iisang lalaki na nagpapangiti at nagpapasaya sa akin... Sa nag-iisang lalaki na gusto kong makasama habangbuhay... Uulit-ulitin ko ding sabihin sa'yo na mahal na mahal na mahal kita, Jonathan Vicencio.. 

STANDING STRONG TOGETHER.. FOREVER...

I need to smile again, after all:)

COPING

I am missing ACA so much, I want to go back to work it’s just that I know it would be best for me to take this chance to regain myself, not just physically, but also the part that holds who I am, because it wasn’t just a usual wound, it wasn’t just a simple lost.

I’ve been through a lot of downs in my life, and this is the most painful experience that twisted the whole me. I honestly don’t know how I will get by with all the muddles that confront me afterwards. I cannot play that indomitable character in me at this instance. And I realized, I can’t be plucky all the time and that, I am only human, I also need to weep.

I’ve been trying to keep all these anguish to myself. Last night, I couldn’t help it; I burst to Jon. And I thank him so much for remaining strong for me at this point that I am very frail. I promise him that I will not allow this defeat me. I will just let this linger for some time. I will wail it all until most, if not all, of the gashes will be alleviated. Perhaps when my break from work is over, I will be able to bounce back and restore my guts to face the world again.

Goodbye, ANGEL!

There are wounds that no one and nothing could heal but our acceptance and willingness to let go and let God...

As I face the next page of my life, I would like to thank those people who joyed with my happiness when I had that greatest gift from above, those who backed me up with their prayers when I was fighting for the chance and those who lift me at this point of grief.. Thank you all so much... I will be fine...

Jowa's Watermelon Plantation LOL=)

halata na ba ang tiyan? haha, one month preggy: )

POSITIVE!

couldn't help post it... confirmed! i'll be a mom soon... am so happy!

LEARNING.....

Lots of things happened for the past six months… Lots of tears were shed… Lots of pain was felt… Lots of sacrifices were made… Lots of instances no hope was left…

There were times I wish to regret the things and people I chose… But I know that could not change what had been.. My life is not programmed in power director that I could remove some circumstances I dragged myself into… What I only wanted to achieve in my life is peace within…  My heart was filled with pain and anger that I could not breathe sometimes… I knew if I would not overcome them, I will always feel defeated and I will live in vain forever… I’ve learned that all those wounds will only heal when I would learn to forgive myself… Because that’s the only time I could also give forgiveness to those people who broke me… Forgiveness means accepting the things that cannot be changed… damages that cannot be repaired…

I’ve realized that when you get older, it is a must to face everything all by yourself… as a matured person you should try to start and end each day you are okay, if not for yourself, for the people who need you and believe in you… At all times we just need to be at our strongest to get through…

I’ve stepped on to another level of maturity but I know that there’s a lot more that will test me... My spirit may go on low mode sometimes but I will make sure that whatever happens, I’ll stick on my faith with god…

IT’S OVER?

early in the morning i texted PEPE to see me at crosing.. Something hapend.. i got fed up about trying to make that relationship work.. i realized its not worth the fight anymore.. but there isnt any reason to feel sorry for the things that had been. i knew i gave my best.. and I AM DONE...

Time heals anyway, as what my friends often tell me everytime.. yes, i am sure about it, bcoz thats the only asurance i get from all that ive gone through.. besides, it is not my lost! PEOPLE COME AND GO in my life.. id rather think this is just another chance to see myself shine on other things and be happy with the people who truly respect and love me, THE WAY I AM... cheer!

WHATS FOREVER FOR?

i dont knw wer i got d courage 2 utter ITS OKAY wen he said gudbye 2 me. maybe i was able 2 hide dat it didnt afect me but d truth is it wasnt dat simple.. it meant a lot.. and it took a lot. i felt a sense of being lost. sudenly i felt afraid. didnt knw how i wud make each day without dat person hu always makes me feel beter when d rest of d world breaks me..
maybe there wil come a point n our lives dat standing alone is a must. we may stumble and fall along d way but even2ali learning wil take its place. because dats life, we shud learn 2 acept dat there is rili no permanent but CHANGE..

WHERE'S MY TEDDY?

Life was never the same again since the day he opted to disconnect with me... maybe since that day, i've learned to grow up... i was forced to be independent emotionally... 'cause aside from V, he is the only person i knew who could see and understand me, the way i am...
perhaps, i get sad because my birthday is near, maybe i want to spend that day with him, just like before, no matter how complicated the situation may seem...
maybe he is no longer with me physically, but he will forever stay here in my heart because of all the lessons that he taught me and all the ideals and aspirations that he constructed in me that instigate me to be a better person at all times...

"WHEREVER YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM MISSING YOU SO MUCH"... -Bi

DISAPPOINTED

someone fabricated a story that she wasn't well-informed about the details of cookfest in nutrition month celebration,  which i am the coordinator... our head called for a meeting just because of that... i wanted to scream and slap on her face that not all things are need to be spoon-feed... that we have COMMON SENSE, what we need to do is USE IT... but i chose to be silent... she will be happier if i blew my temper... i don't know what does she wants to prove for everything... there's no need for me to say anything to defend myself because i am not guilty...  as far as i know, i've done all the best that i could to make the program successful.. after all, the event is not for the teachers, it's for the KIDS....

COWARD

i know i've been running away from everything instead of facing the possibilities... the relationship scares me... the commitment scares me even more... and the responsibilities scare me the most...

maybe, i am not really worthy... what i only deserve is to be hurt and be sad for the rest of my life... and it is best on that way because i am used to it....

RED DAYS

first week of classes, super stressed ako, not because of the loads in school, because i was so worried about being hmppppp preggy........ [sigh] it's not that i don't want a baby... of course i'd love to be a mom... but not now... i was relieved when i had my monthly period on the weekend...

if ever nabuo, i'll be moving out, kakayanin ko lahat ng mag-isa... talagang ganon, bunga ng kalandian yon... pero i promise hindi ko ipapangalan sa tatay niya... yeah i know, ang sama ko talaga... pinakakasalan na nga ako, umaayaw pa 'ko tapos ganon pa ang gagawin ko... ano ba talaga ang problema ko?

i want jonathan out of my life... tinatanong ako ng ibang kaibigan, EH BAKIT LAGI MO PA DIN KASAMA? deep inside me, alam ko na one day magsasawa din siya at mapapagod sa 'kin kaya hindi ko na kailangang pahirapan ang sarili ko sa pagtataboy sa kanya... alam ko na siya na din ang kusang lalayo sa 'kin kaya hihintayin ko na lang ang araw na 'yon...

oo, alam ko, ang sama-sama ko... ang walangya ko... berat ako... luka-luka... ano pa ba?

sabihin na ng lahat ang sasabihin nilang masama about me pero wala pa din naman silang alam kung ano talaga ang nandito sa loob ko... wala namang nakakaalam at nakakaunawa sa damdamin ko...

pero ano pa man ang pinagdadaanan ko i still have to go on, for the kids... 47 kids... i have 47 reasons to live... 'yung kung ano ako ngayon, 'yun na lang ang mahalaga sa 'kin at nagbibigay sa 'kin ng direksyon sa buhay ngayon...okay na din 'yon.. enough to be happy...

CROSSING THE BOUNDARIES

honestly, after all, I still don’t want to include him in my plans, I can’t see him with me in the very far future… indeed it won’t be surprising if one day I would wake up without him in my life anymore… what is so wrong? so unacceptable? So unpleasant about him? Or rather, spending my life with him? well, the problem is not with him… but with me… because I am too strong, too proud to give in… too damn controlled of my pride... 

Wish I could talk what’s really here inside me… even this blog can’t seem to be comfortable to hold on… LOGOUT!

RENDEZVOUS

sakto ang isang pangyayari kaya hindi ako nakapalag nung umaga na pinapunta ni mama ang parents ni jonathan sa bahay... may mali ako alam ko... pero i really can't force myself to jump into marriage because of guilt... hindi pag-aasawa lang ang option ko para may mangyaring matino sa buhay ko...

a week before that disgusting night, sabi ni papa, ayaw mong mag-aral kaya mag-asawa ka na lang... ang pakiramdam ko walang kwenta ang buhay ko para sa kanila kaya nila 'ko pinagtutulakan magpakasal... shit 'di ba?

alam kong nakakahiya ako sa inasal ko, sobra! but i know, i just did the right thing... 'yung ipakita sa kanila na ayoko... nakakahiya na kung nakakahiya kaysa magsisisi lang din ako in the end na hiya lang ang naging basehan ko ng pagpapamilya... lilipas din naman 'yon...

i am not yet ready in all aspects...  sa natanggap kong dalawang sampal kay papa, i admit may impact deep inside...  umiyak ako ng umiyak ng umiyak... kahit na si sir archie hindi ako maicomfort... pero napaisip ako... naisip kong siguro it's about time... time to move out... live alone... be alone... para mag-isang-mag-isa na talaga ako... sanay naman ako mag-isa... walang karamay... walang nakakaunawa... walang nagmamahal... hayyssss... SELF-PITY!!!

sabi ni ate, hindi pwedeng takbo ng takbo... hmppp... hindi ko ugaling ipaglaban ang space ko sa buhay ng iba dahil ayokong maramdaman na hindi naman talaga ako parte ng buhay nila, na isa lang akong saling pusa.... na eventually mawawala din sila at iiwan ako... kaya mainam na din 'to... mainam na hindi ko na lang siya tignan sa future... i know playing safe ako, pero ayoko ng mag-explain... sooooo tired;(

I AM LEGEND

proud pa na kahit kailan talaga panira ako... hahaha=) ipinaglaban ko lang ang sarili ko... hindi ako tumakas, hinarap ko sila... 'yun lang, puro iyak... wala akong kahit sino na nasandalan, lahat ng tao muhi sa 'kin... pero napatunayan kong napakasarap palang maging matapang at maging malaya...

malaki ang nawala sa 'kin pero wala akong pagsisisi... babangon ako at mabubuhay ng masaya after all... sisiw! cheer!

;(

mahina ako ngayon at honestly, durog ang pagkatao.. pero masaya ako sa naging desisyon ko... mas gugustuhin ko na 'to kaysa maging malakas at buo na wala naman akong kapayapaan sa sarili ko...

LETTING GO...

for a long time, i have been trying to consider the relationship instead of burying everything that we had to nothing... i have always left my door open because for me he is a family... for me... yes, it was only me who thought about us on that way... only me to blame...

i should have cried when he chose to close his door to me... i should have breakdown... maybe, i am too tired bridging the differences... too tired believing that i am not alone in all of my battle... 'cause the truth is, he is no longer there for me.. but it's not my lost... i have loved truly and deeply.. and it will always be worth it... i have never regret anything or anyone in my life...

people come and go... people love me, leave me, hate me, hurt me.. but i still live my life in spite of all... i move on... i forgive... i may not forget but when i remember, i remember how i've been happy and how i've been a better and stronger person because of them...

i don't want to say goodbye... i will grow old without you but i will never outgrow you as a part of me... you will always be in my heart... thank you for everything...

KAHAPON

even i was drunk that night, I-4's sms sink in to me... but i didn't reply... even i really wanted to burst... alam kong napakanipis niya, anu mang salita ang sasabihin ko, alam kong dadamdamin na naman niya... pinilit ko pa din namang maging considerate... i tried my hardest to hold my temper but when i saw her in the morning, BOOOOMMMM!!! alam niyo naman siraulo ko, papatulan ko talaga, hindi ko kayang palagpasin lalo na at madami na siyang taong pineperwisyo, hindi lang ako... and honestly, hindi ko matanggap lahat ng sinabi niya sa 'kin... kahit pa'no tinitignan ko pa din 'yung pagiging matanda niya sa 'kin.. naiiyak ako sa pagpipigil magwala sa galit dahil ayokong maging masyadong mabangis... pero hindi porke't matanda siya sa 'kin siya na ang tama, at ako na bata, ako ang mali... dapat matuto din siyang gumalang sa damdamin ng iba para igalang din ng iba ang damdamin niya... hindi ako takot mapagalitan ni mam dulce o ni mam madelon dahil sa pagpapamukha ko sa kanya kung ga'no siya kawalang kwentang tao... ginawa ko 'yon para matauhan siya... para matuto siyang isaalang-alang din ang iba...

naawa na lang din naman ako sa kanya... dahil 'yung mga itinuro niyang mga kaibigan daw niya, dineny lang din siya... tsk... tsk.. tsk...

nakakatawa na lang dahil lagi akong ginagamit ni lord pambala sa kanyon... siguro dahil hindi ako takot iexpress ang sarili ko... hindi ako takot mag-isip at magsalita... at marunong akong tumanggap ng kahinaan at pagkakamali... maswerte pa din ako sa madaming bagay...

ayoko din naman ng gulo kaya humingi din ako ng pasensiya... at gano'n din naman siya sa 'kin... case closed=)