goodbye..

i am not feeling well because of so many things that i can't fix..
my lesson plan is not updated..
i can't teach my pupils well because i'm always unprepared..
reading test is near but i doubt if they will pass it..
kasalanan ko na naman..

tapos i can't find the winamp list in the computer i am using in sls..
then one of them is not working..

i can't clean my room, it is very messy..
eveythings is in chaos.. pati ako..

i don't know if i can still survive tomorrow..

i thought i was strong.. but i was wrong.. hindi ako ganon..
what's happening to me now?

i want to quit in teaching and go somewhere else to find myself..

teaching is really not for me..

i passed the board exam that made me a licensed teacher but am i really a teacher in the real sense?

i know i am not..
because my heart beats in different way..

i can't be effective because i can't give my 100%..

i don't belong on this field.. i need to get away..

maybe, by december or january.. i will be leaving cabanatuan and once it happened, i promise not to come back anymore..
wala ng dahilan para mag-stay pa 'ko dito.. hindi ako para dito.. at ayoko ng makita ang sarili ko dito kahit kailan..

LeT

It became memorable because of this day.. ang mga pasaway ay talagang pasaway.. but i'll except giraffe here kasi she was nice naman to me kahit may konting pahangin..

ate glow? i knew she and her friends don't like me..obvious na obvious noh! but don't you worry, i don't like them either.. i remember that she was attracted to stit way back in our R.O. days.. but his attention was ALL mine (nung 'di pa umeeksena si babylove..)
she is not like jumbo.. mas malala siya..
si kulot, nag-iisip lang 'yon na wala kaming gagawing matino..
pero siya, nag-iisip na kaya naming gumawa ng KRIMEN.. as in! hahaha..

but the B's are beast.. isa pa,we are autistics.. asa pa siyang maluto kami..
si beeone @ beetwo @ damay si beethree? goodluck sa inyo..

hmp.. i didn't expect that jumbo would offer her hand for a PLaSTiK na pagbati.. i just gave her a PLaSTiK na smile to acknowledge her effort to 'please' me..
as if she's really happy that i passed the exam.. if i know, nagdasal pa siyang mapabilang kami sa mga babagsak..

odyssey? nadasapemay ang lola mo..

i was shaking that time.. negative thoughts were running on my head.. especially that one of dugong's mortal enemies was standing in front of us.. but we had to stand on what we started.. 'gang sa makauwi na kami..

ang masasabi ko na lang: just take it as one of life's challenges.. hehehe..
i love you nanay @ tatay..

NEED A BREAK

i was planning to have a short hair when i went there in lacson last friday..
my nanay didn't agree with the idea.. she said "lalo lang mahihirapan ang mga lalaking isiping babae ka.."
hmp.. i'm still thinking about it..
just wish i'll have a very busy life ahead so the idea won't succeed..
i'm not afraid to look unpretty.. i am used to with what i am..
but i don't know if that will help me from letting go..
what happened, somehow, has impact inside..
i'm just trying to ignore it..
using different defense mechanisms to avoid the emptiness..
that was one of the toughest decisions i made in my life..
but it's the only way i knew to see myself better..
things already happened..
too late to save the lost time..

WAKE UP, JONA

tama si peter, mabubura at masusunog mo lahat pero hindi ang mga ala-ala.. mahal na mahal mo naman sana.. gaga ka lang talaga..

Christian Posted 16/3/2006

JONARIZZA AGULAN-- DATS MY GIRL.. words cant express the way i feel about her.. I love spending every moment with her.. thanks for loving me.. I will always be here for you.. remember that even if lage tau away , I still love you.. I will try my best to love you the way you should be loved.. Im so happy having you in my life.. I LOVE YOU!!!

the weakest.. the ugliest.. and the worst point in my life..

hindi ko na alam gagawin ko..
hindi ko na alam kung paano haharap sa mundo..
9 months and 20 days.. the finest days in my lonely life..
sabagay, anu pa bang mawawala sa 'kin..
each day, i face it all alone..
i will still be myself..
i will still be empty..
i wish to have a new life..
to live in a different world.

WELCOME!!!

i created this new account.. for something new hehe:)
for something new to look forward each day..

naisip ko kasing tumatanda na pala ko.. it's about time to step on the higher level of kaeng-engan at ka-praningan.. and i want to start it here..

malaking bahagi na ng buhay ko ang pagba-blog..
'eto na nga lang ang naiisip kong kakampi sa madaming pagkakataon..
alam kong mahaba-haba pa ang biyahe ko dito sa earth kaya kahit sa ganitong paraan, gusto kong i-share 'yung sarili ko sa mundo..

manila bulletin..

the result was really unexpected.. when i saw my name at the bottom of the page.. wow.. ang saya.. grabe! i texted sir lucena immediately to inform him and at the same time thank him for supporting me eversince i landed in wesleyan u-p..

JARED

teacher's enemy..('pag nakasumpong daw)
considered as a problem..(may konti daw kasi)
the problem is not with the child
but to some people who do not understand
the way he is..
he is gifted..
and i tell you
umaapaw ang sense of humor..
i really like him..
especially his name
CZMT (kasmot)
wahahaha..
teacher ako..
pero mas natututo pa ako sa kanya..
mababaliw ka sa samu't saring kwento..
maaaliw ka sa kakaibang imagination..
mapapahanga ka sa pagiging bata nya..
ang galing..

TEST

i am a bum..
from the day of our grad last april 01
for 80 days..
1,920 hours..
115,200 minutes..
6,912,000 seconds..

another statistic on unemployed citizen in the philippines..

i'm tired of thinking about this situation as a problem so i decided to just enjoy my life over my father's wallet automatically bringing out cash to console me since they did not allow me to live anywhere..

i made a lot of plans to my future.. it's just that, the chances to put them in reality are still on process.. or maybe delayed.. because god wants me to relax first, since i did not have much time to do that when i was studying, and working at the same time..

when i browsed one of my companions at this point.. i was really surprised to see the r.a.'s i have to put in mind to be the speaker in one of my dream moments..

loreen is right, i was able to pass the exam for inspectors, 'yun pa kaya ang hindi.. wala pang effort 'yon.. nakaya ko.. kaya kakayanin ko 'to..

god wouldn't allow me to reach this far if he has no plans to me..

and i have no reason to hate the world.. i have chris who keeps my hair stay this long.. he is enough reason to be happy..

for now, i am wishing myself all the luck for a demonstration tomorrow.. secret muna, walang clue..

1,501 Pass PNPA Cadet Admission Test

Philippine National Police Academy Director, Police Sr Supt BALLIGI AGNANAYON B. TIRA, in his report to Philippine Public Safety College (PPSC) President, Dr MARGARITA R. COJUANGCO, MNSA, bared that 1,501 examinees passed the Cadet Admission Test for the four-year Bachelor of Science in Public Safety (BSPS) Cadetship Program Class 2010 given last 30 October 2005 in 23 test centers nationwide. The following successful examinees are advised to report on date and designated examination area for their batch and to contact PNPA at Tel No. 0490-545-5940:

Please bring the following :
a) Original copy of Certificate of Live Birth from NSO
b) Report of Grades duly authenticated by your school registrar
c) Two (2) pieces of 2x2 black and white picture
d) A set of athletic uniform (white short pant, T-shirt and rubber shoes)
e) Writing materials
f) Provisions to sustain your stay while undergoing the tests

EXAMINATION AREA I: Philippine Public Safety College, Fort Bonifacio, Taguig City

Batch 6 - January 30, 2006
1 OLIVEROS JEMAR ARANETA
2 ORTEGA CHRISTOPHER REAL
3 PABLO ARISTOTLE TABADAY
4 PAJILA JUDITH ANN CHAVEZ
5 PEÑEDA ALNER HILYES
6 PESIGAN MARK KEVIN DIMALIBOT
7 SALAZAR ROLLY BERSABE
8 SALVACION JONATHAN MACATANGAY
9 SALVACION LEONGIO KALAW
10 SOSA JOSEPH ILAS
11 SUPETRAN BRENDON LORD SABAYLE
12 TAPEÑO RONIE BANARIA
13 TENORIO MARK JOHNSON ENTIENZA
14 TUGAS HONNE LEE DELFIN
15 TURIANO JOHN LESTER ORTEGA
16 UMALI VERNA BALIOS
17 UMALI DOVEN BALIOS
18 VILLANUEVA JAY LACAY
19 VILLANUEVA SHELDON NERONA
20 VILLAPANDO ARIEL JOSEPH CANOSA
21 VINZON PAULO CLARENZE
22 ABANILLA GECHRIS MANTARING
23 ANINGALAN MARK ANTHONY ROBLES
24 CALIMUTAN FRANCIS FORT DEAPERA
25 CARAGAN EDUARD MANANGAN
26 DAÑEZ IRENE CAPOSTRANO
27 DEASIS CRIZANDRO DE VARGAS
28 DIONES RONALYN DAR
29 FERRER MEMELANIE PILARCA
30 GARCIA NIÑO CONAN MAQUIILLA
31 HERNANDO MARVIN ALMARINES
32 HERRERA AARON AGBAYA
33 LASTRA MENARD PELENDIANA
34 LUMINARIO REYNAN BRIÑES
35 MARQUEZ MALVIN VILLAOS
36 PANGANIBAN HAROLD CARRION
37 PEÑAFIEL JOSEPH MONROYO
38 REAL RINAMEL SATUMBA
39 RECTO JHONATAN CORNEJO
40 RODRIGUEZ PETER PAUL FERNANDEZ
41 SOMBRA ARIES MALIBIRAN
42 TENORIO ENLIL BRISTOL
43 VEJERANO ERICKSON VILLANUEVA
44 VERDEFLOR ROMMEL REYES
45 VILLAFLORES LALAINE AURELLANA
46 AGULAN JONARIZZA GEDO CRUZ
47 BARROZO EMMANUELLE OBRA
48 BENITEZ FATIMA CUENCA
49 BITOLIN HAZEL YSMAEL
50 BOLANTE GEOFFREY MESONA
51 CABANLIG SALLY BATAS
52 CAHIDO JOSEPH JANEA
53 CATABONA LORD HAROLD PERALTA
54 DELA CRUZ HERMIE JAVIER
55 DOMINGO ROWLAND CAIRLAN
56 ENRIQUEZ MANNY ROGER LAZO
57 JULIAN RAF VALERIO VILLANUEVA
58 MANZANO GLADDEN SALVOSA
59 QUERIJERO EFREN JR NUYDA
60 RAZON ALPHA JOY TADEJA
61 REYES ODYSSEUS ARES
62 ROLDAN RENAN CYNGIN PARONG
63 SALUPACIO ROAN ANDASAN
64 SIBUMA ISRAEL RUBEN
65 TOLENTINO REY TANGSON
66 TUMANGAN ADRIAN LALO
67 VILLAR JEFFREY CAPATI
68 AMPOSTA ARIS MORENO
69 CANO EDWIN CADIENTE
70 DAMAGAN KATELYNE MAY TORRES
71 DANAO FRANCIS MARTIN JR RANIDO

TRIP LANG.. ALA-ALA..

i really love this photo.. pakiramdam ko kasi i'll be the next bride in hehboon society.. hehehe..

time does not erase things.. people erase things.. people erase people..

it took a long time before i felt i must forgive him for what he had done to me..
since i was a child, i've been living in hell..
i thought then he was the one who could change my lonely life..
because he knew what i was going through..
but he cheated me..
i never expected that he could do that to me..
and it hurted me badly..

that time, i felt really sorry for myself..
may sarili na nga akong mundo..
galit pa 'ko sa mundo..
i couldn't believe that the source of my strength
was the one who made me weak..

from the pain he caused me
he made me realized the things i never knew about this life..
i saw the reality..
that there are different people in this world..
and we cannot expect them to be what we wanted them to be to us..
or act according to what is right for us..
there are people who could go on in their lives
fooling and using anyone
just to be happy..
there are no assurance that they won't hurt us
no matter how much we tried to love them
the best way we can..

i always wanted to make him happy..
to give him the love i thought he needed..
i even tried to change myself to become the person fitted in his world..
but everything i did was wasted because he never give importance to my feelings..

akala nya siguro dahil bata ako, pwede nya ng paglaruan ang damdamin ko..

maybe i'm young.. but i could play life's hard games..
and he lost it..
he lost me..

but then i should thank him for teaching me to love unconditionally..
he made me stronger in spite of everything..
i became a better person because of everything..

i never regret that once in my life
he became a part of it..
i will just treat what happened to us
as a lesson
that all must experience..
to learn..
i will leave everything in the past..
it already passed..
this will be the last time i would open this thing..

soon i will be free..

i don't know if they are really fair
or just pretending that they are..
i don't need their support..
i want my freedom..
but they don't trust me,
my capability..
review?
no!
i don't need to pass that LET..
i have nothing to prove with myself..
or with other people..
i'm so tired of everything..
teach?
teacher?
that's not me..
that is someone they want me to be..
that i can never be to myself..
i want to get away from them..
i want to be free..
i need to be free..
it's time to change my sail..
and find who i really am..

when it comes to love, there's no easy answer..

i must admit i came to the point i wanted to just let him go.. because i feared that i might not be able to give him the happiness he deserves.. i didn't know how to express the love i have for him.. and my insecurities hindered me to find its ways.. i tried to cease myself from getting closed to him.. but i realized, once you've found the person who really makes you happy, no matter how complicated things are, you'll never mind.. all you wanted to do or the only thing that will matter to you is be with that person..

he is not the first love in my life.. i've had some attempts before i finally told myself, this is it..

i know we have so much to go through.. problems will arise along the way.. some people around us may try to break what we have now..

everything is uncertain.. but we only need to make decisions.. whether to go on or give up.. win or lose it.. hold on to it or just let it go..

yes, love may be our greatest hope yet it remain our greatest mystery.. it has different meaning to different people.. but i know one thing is for sure, it would make you really happy..

nothing is constant in this world.. but love assures that the happiness it gives will never fade.. if you just hold on to it..

i can't imagine myself living without him in my life.. i'd ratherdie than lose him.. i love him.. that's all i know.. and it means i will keep him and fight for him.. i will never let him go..

RECOGNITION

i was really nervous upon waiting my name to be called to come up on stage.. because it was the first time in my entire life that i received an award.. that everything i exerted was recognized.. i wished that sir soro was there, i want to thank him for the inspiration he brought me into my life when i was so down, lost and nothing..

top 9..

i am supposed to feel happy that i'm one of the honors in our batch, but i don't feel on that way.. even according to ivy, if they would assess my performance, i deserve a higher rank.. this is not what i want.. this would not help in my burden.. but i would like to thank mam guevarra for trusting my capability..

JONARIZZA AND CHRISTIAN