JUST FOR A MOMENT

hindi naman 'yon simpleng pagkikita lang.. isa 'yong pamamaalam... habang palayo 'yung sasakyan niya nung naghiwalay na kami, i knew i will never be the same again... gusto ko ngang umiyak.. maaaring nandun pa din ang dating damdamin ko para sa kanya pero matagal ko ng tinanggap na hindi kami para sa isa't isa... siguro, kung hindi lang komplikado ang lahat, i will stand up for him... pero 'yun nga, hindi na tama... hindi na dapat... alam ko naman, some things... some people are not meant to be... may mga bagay man akong hindi magawa o hindi masabi, dahil may mga tao akong pinahahalagahan na ayokong masaktan... gusto ko mang hingin ang pang-unawa nila pero para ano pa kung hindi din naman nila maibibigay... basta hayaan nyo na lang akong panatilihin siyang bahagi ng buhay ko dahil kahit ano pa man o sino pa man siya, mahal ko pa din siya at isa pa din siyang kaibigan para sa 'kin... at hinding-hindi na 'yon magbabago lumipas man ang panahon...

DIREKSYON

may gusto akong gawin... gusto kong buhayin ang isang kwento... isang simpleng kwento... isang imposibleng kwento... bakit nga ba kasi mali ang panahon noon at ngayon?

Sweet 24:)

forever sweet of course hehe... just happy.. one of the reasons why i'm happy, because you know, everybody knows, i decided to get myself out of the forever single list... but to tell you honestly, i'm not expecting anything from him now that he is away... if he will come back, that's good, if he won't (THAT'S BETTER, FIND ANOTHER LOL), it's okay... Sabi ko nga 'yung huling hinatid ko sa airport hindi na 'ko binalikan, iba ang binalikan hehe... well, it's already buried in the past... i know it's unfair to compare him to my Xs so with all due respect i'll obey him not to think negatively... he is different... ours is different from what i had with the men i've loved before LOL... so as much as i can, i will keep my mind free from worries and doubts.. to make our relationship at peace while we are living happily separated hehe:)

a friend told me i've changed... "MATURED NA"... hmppp... i am not aware hehe... Maybe... i rarely use my tantrums to get what i want or do what pleases me... i am now conscious about the side effects of my moves... because of the people around me that i respect and give their trust to me... sometimes i see myself talking and acting differently, very far from the problem child you used to know... not convinced? why, don't i have the right to grow? hehe:) give me a chance, will you?

i know as i grow older, things will be harder... and that sometimes, i will get to the point of quitting, but one thing i'll assure you, i will bounce back... i've met a lot of obstacles upon reaching this age... i've had lots of discouragements and disappointments... i've had my heart broken, always... i've been hurt... i've cried... i've been lost for so many times... but if you would ask me if i have any regret or is there anything that i would like to edit in my life, my answer is none... everything that happened was the pieces that made me the person that i am now...  better and stronger...


now, let me take this chance to acknowledge and give my unwavering love and respect to those people who mean so much to me... that without them, i know all these things that i am saying won't be possible... thank you! thank you for everything... forgive me if i won't make this long... i am sleepy already hehe:)

happy birthday to me tomorrow... drink! DRINK! drink!

WHAT IF.....

if i said yes... would it make me happier?

 

ilusyon!!! really frustrating.. i like him, but i have to face it.. yeah, there is a dream that "love" is about us.. but the best answer i could give to him is NO.. and it means embracing the reality that me and him is CANNOT BE...  i am just an ordinary girl and i knew there are many women out there who can be more than i could never be that he deserves... that's it.. i guess, i have to put this an end... anyway, thanks to him.. i will always remember him as a special person who made me smile and gave me hope that i could fall in love again after all...

thank you rodel... and goodbye...

Life is Like That.....

everything is uncertain... i won't die when something ends... i will be sad because i am human, it's natural to be weak.. i do shed tears but i take it as a chance to make the most of my life... i do my job well... i spend time with my family and friends... i cook food for them... and we'll drink and drink and just laugh over everything... i take it as a chance to learn something new... to risk another step... and to move forward as i should...
there may be times that i am afraid, there is a feeling of being alone but i do not isolate myself 'cause there are lots of people out there who cross all the possible ways to reach me and give their comfort whenever i need it...
i will get lonely and weak as my journey is moving on... because we all know, people come and go.. but who cares when i've got all the love and support i needed to survive... and for that i would like to say thank you... to mama and papa and my siblings... despite of my shortcomings, you never let me down... to nanay, tita minda, tito udy and kent... to all of my friends... and ACA teaching force family... in spite of my imperfections, you still make me feel i am important... this is just an advance birthday expression of my gratitude to everybody hehe... i will always remember each moment we are making fun through all of the hassles and hazard about this life... masarap talagang mabuhay basta may sopas... so happy sopas on monday, with matching four seasons puto... and letro-letrong cola, courtesy of mam idna... LOL

Officially ON...

Thank God for ANGELS in Disguise LOL:)

my life may not be perfect... i face a lot of difficult times... i always make it through all the way because of the people who laugh and cry with me... i owe them my clear direction through the dark way...
thank you mam charot, mam judy, mam louraine-- the plastikpuff girls... buong-buo ang pwersa... nimrod , sir philip... ate sherlie... for the drinking sessions... life is complicated i know.. but we can always make things light and easy through illegal assembly and of course, mam edna's best hehe... 
to all of the friends, old friends, who are keeping in touch as often as they could, thank you so much for the genuine concern you are giving me...

HAPPY

didnt expect a call to comfirm about tom... my head was aching the whole day and that's because i am hesitant to answer... there is a part of me that says GO and there is a side that says NO... even though i already filed form-6 and i am free to go, i am still confused.. but anyway, i would like to thank mam adjie for being understanding, she never turned me down when i asked her if i could leave tom...

i know i have to make decision now and it's why not? i will do this because it is the only way i could show them that i do appreciate their kindness to me... i know i am not a nice person but they still welcome me... and it's a very rare chance to be admitted gladly as if you are a part of other's family... wheowww... that's another level, to the highest level... and maybe it will make me at peace to do what i could do to make him happy as he face again his life on board... even it sounds completely silly, for the sake of friendship..

after that day... i'll move on... that's life... how many goodbyes i had face all my life? this is not new to me... after all, it's not the end that matters in any relationship, it's the moments you spend time together... it's the care that you give to one another... amen!

SICK CALL

i am thinking about it since saturday... i don't know where the the hell in the world i would get the strength to face that day... i don't know how i would make it without bursting the tears i've been keeping... it will be a hard day for me... wish that sir archie is here... i need a bestfriend who will make me feel okay...

Will You Love Me?

na-windang ang mundo ko dahil sa tanong na 'yan... i wish to say YES! YES! YES! you know how much i like him... but i couldn't go beyond liking him 'cause i am aware of our distance... he is cannot be reached... i don't want to hurt myself more... i make illusions but i know the reality is he will only be as impossible as my PNPA's dream... at mahirap magmahal sa isip lang... masaya na 'kong nakilala ko siya kahit hanggang ilusyon lang ang lahat...

PAIN

because of doubts and fears that i wasn't able to get rid of i decided to let go the chance... i guess it's a natural reaction on my part 'cause you know i've been through a lot of heartaches and it's not easy for me to give my full trust especially there were things not clear to me...

i admit it hurts me... i am hurt right now... i feel my direction has gone broken again... but i don't regret the choice i made... every experience helps us learn to love ourselves more... this is just one of the heartbreaking turns that inspire me to be at my best... this won't make me stop... life must still go on... i will go on through it all...

LOST

it's been so long... here i go again, no one to run... but here... i want to say i am fine... but it is the biggest lie i would say right now... it breaks my heart that i couldn't fight what i have here inside me... i never let anyone know about it... too damn scared to admit it even to my own self... yeah it's raining inside me... and it's killing me softly... i don't know what i would do to stop it... when you let someone become an important part of your life, i learned you will never be the same once they are gone... i want to say i love him... hayyyy..... FINALLY, i've said it... and maybe goodbye as well, 'cause he's leaving soon... and i wish will be fine then and never break down...

UNPREPARED

never thought i would be this sad facing each day without him... what have i done? i was wrong... so wrong... for not following my heart...
if i could sum everything in just one word, it's PRIDE... shit pride... 

SHARING

my birthday is near... 12 days to go... ahayyyy... tatanda naman ang batang isip...
no big celebration, i will only cook some dishes i knew for the closest people to me as of now... and drink, drink, drink a lot... wehehe:)
actually, growing older hurts a bit... i realized, whether we want it or not, sometimes, it's about losing the people we love.. because of the circumstances we cannot control... and maybe, learning who are those who truly care for us... and so sad to admit, most of the people you think who will never let you down, they would... well, that's alright... life is what we make each day... i will just enjoy the moments of my life by all means available hehe... with the people who want to spend their time with me...
wish? a lot actually... but i will give the details one of these days... medyo pagod kasi ako ngayon... and not feeling well... i made dayap just a while ago, though it taste bad, i had to make tiis... ang hirap ng may sakit...
for now, offline mode... i want to sleep early... 'til next post... NYT:) NYT:)

ADAPT

this month has been very stressful for me... got to get up at 6am, fix myself for 30 minutes then go to the market for BLT menu for the day... my class in the morning starts at 7:30 and ends 10:45... after that, i take care of the BLT pupils until 12noon... then we, nimrod and charot, eat together in my classroom for 30 minutes... i got only 30minutes during lunchbreak to breathe... my class will resume at 1pm until 3:45... after my class, i write my lesson plan for the next day... after my class there are still tasks i need to accomplish... sometimes, i find this job really draining... it requires a lot of patience and energy to survive... to stay cool and alive... we just find time to relax, yeah, DRINK, one to four bottles to refresh our spirits for the next battle day...

one of my colleagues was wrong for thinking i won't be happy being on emergency class for two to three weeks... the setting may be not so pleasant to work at but do i have a choice? instead of pestering myself with negative thoughts about it, i'll take it as a challenge... after all, i know myself more than anyone in the school, i know i am not neglecting my job, nagtuturo naman ako... there's no reason to be worried...
advantage of this temporary setup, of course i can sleep late and get up late... required time in is before 9:30... my class will begin at 12noon, will end 4:30... isn't that great? not so... BLT! BLT! BLT! oh my! well, the program is not that tiring, i am learning a lot of things because of it...
hayyyy... i am sleepy already... i'll make another post tomorrow... there are still things i want to share...

night, night everyone:)