Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me... Sometimes I just want a hug... Someone who will let me cry...
December 23, 2010
December 22, 2010
3 months..
how can you expect a person to be happy with the love that exists only in your mind and not felt in his/her heart?
sometimes, i feel desperate... for feelings that i can't give... for words i can't let someone hear... 'cause how can i give something that i don't have... how can i say things i don't mean... i can't mean... i am desperate to get myself out of the circumstance... but it's my choice, i have to stand on it... never mind the feeling of being trapped... i am obligated.. to boost that person morally... to make him happy... to make him strong as he face his life...
sometimes, all i could do is roll my eyes and sigh... and wish it's just a nightmare... when i wake up from it, it will be over... game over...
sometimes, i feel desperate... for feelings that i can't give... for words i can't let someone hear... 'cause how can i give something that i don't have... how can i say things i don't mean... i can't mean... i am desperate to get myself out of the circumstance... but it's my choice, i have to stand on it... never mind the feeling of being trapped... i am obligated.. to boost that person morally... to make him happy... to make him strong as he face his life...
sometimes, all i could do is roll my eyes and sigh... and wish it's just a nightmare... when i wake up from it, it will be over... game over...
December 19, 2010
December 18, 2010
December 17, 2010
STRONGER...
madami akong bagay na napatunayan from the one stormy week that passed...
nakakadismaya... nakakasuya... nakakagigil... at nakakataba ng puso...
click the link below and see how i shine... hehe=)
i already posted I AM SORRY before this meeting... meaning i am willing to set aside our differences just to save the good bonds that we got... mas masarap pa ding mabuhay ng payapa kaysa nagtatanim ka ng sama ng loob na wala naman ding kapupuntahan...
ang hindi ko lang kasi matanggap sa mga pangyayari, may isang inosenteng tao na nadiin... and i felt responsible for that... kaya kahit alam ko sa sarili kong napakataas ng pride ko, hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na magpakumbaba para akuin ang lahat... everybody was surprised on what i have said especially when i cried... sabi nila, marunong daw pala akong umiyak... yes, of course, tao lang din naman ako... nabigla sila sa pagtutuwid ko ng mga maling paliwanag sa pangyayari... dahil alam kong 'yun ang kailangan para malinis ang pangalan ng isang taong biktima lang ng pagiging makasarili ng iba... ang sakit ng katotohan pero 'yun ang totoo, pagiging makasarili lang naman ang ugat ng gulo... kung natuto lang sana kaming magbigayan at mag-unawaan, hindi hahantong sa pagkakaroon ng lamat ang isang magandang samahan...
wheow! gano'n nga siguro talaga, hindi lahat kagaya ko, ni jen.. ni philip... na kayang kumibo at lumaban... siguro kasama na din sa pangyayari 'yon 'yung nalaman kong hindi lahat ay kayang tumayo sa katotohanan... i'm really disappointed.. or maybe i was wrong to expect he would stand up for us... sorry to say this, may mga tao talagang playing safe... mailigtas lang ang sarili, they can afford to leave you on the down side... hindi kayang manindigan sa mga kagagawan din niya... kaya nung umiinom kami, para na din siyang sinampal sa mga pinagsasabi ko sa kanya... at siguro nga 'yun na 'yung huling pagkakataon na aasa akong kaibigan kami para sa kanya...
for that grupo-grupo, fraction-fraction issue... i realized she's bitter... umeeksena lang 'cause she doesn't have what we got--FRIENDS... naaawa na lang ako sa kanya for everything she fabricated... well, even if she succeeded to put us down, at least i know, we'll never leave each other... down kung down, magkakasama naman kami... i pray she'll find the belongingness that she needs to be at peace in her life...
the damage has been done sabi nga... ang mahalaga tapos na... lastly, i didn't expect na kahit pa'no through the years, may mga taong naniniwala at nagmamahal sa 'kin... for that, gusto ko silang pasalamatan... sobrang sarap ng pakiramdam na kinoconsider ka ng mga tao sa paligid mo... na alam kong hindi ako pababayaan at kasama kong makikipaglaban para sa tama...
nakakadismaya... nakakasuya... nakakagigil... at nakakataba ng puso...
click the link below and see how i shine... hehe=)
i already posted I AM SORRY before this meeting... meaning i am willing to set aside our differences just to save the good bonds that we got... mas masarap pa ding mabuhay ng payapa kaysa nagtatanim ka ng sama ng loob na wala naman ding kapupuntahan...
ang hindi ko lang kasi matanggap sa mga pangyayari, may isang inosenteng tao na nadiin... and i felt responsible for that... kaya kahit alam ko sa sarili kong napakataas ng pride ko, hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na magpakumbaba para akuin ang lahat... everybody was surprised on what i have said especially when i cried... sabi nila, marunong daw pala akong umiyak... yes, of course, tao lang din naman ako... nabigla sila sa pagtutuwid ko ng mga maling paliwanag sa pangyayari... dahil alam kong 'yun ang kailangan para malinis ang pangalan ng isang taong biktima lang ng pagiging makasarili ng iba... ang sakit ng katotohan pero 'yun ang totoo, pagiging makasarili lang naman ang ugat ng gulo... kung natuto lang sana kaming magbigayan at mag-unawaan, hindi hahantong sa pagkakaroon ng lamat ang isang magandang samahan...
wheow! gano'n nga siguro talaga, hindi lahat kagaya ko, ni jen.. ni philip... na kayang kumibo at lumaban... siguro kasama na din sa pangyayari 'yon 'yung nalaman kong hindi lahat ay kayang tumayo sa katotohanan... i'm really disappointed.. or maybe i was wrong to expect he would stand up for us... sorry to say this, may mga tao talagang playing safe... mailigtas lang ang sarili, they can afford to leave you on the down side... hindi kayang manindigan sa mga kagagawan din niya... kaya nung umiinom kami, para na din siyang sinampal sa mga pinagsasabi ko sa kanya... at siguro nga 'yun na 'yung huling pagkakataon na aasa akong kaibigan kami para sa kanya...
for that grupo-grupo, fraction-fraction issue... i realized she's bitter... umeeksena lang 'cause she doesn't have what we got--FRIENDS... naaawa na lang ako sa kanya for everything she fabricated... well, even if she succeeded to put us down, at least i know, we'll never leave each other... down kung down, magkakasama naman kami... i pray she'll find the belongingness that she needs to be at peace in her life...
the damage has been done sabi nga... ang mahalaga tapos na... lastly, i didn't expect na kahit pa'no through the years, may mga taong naniniwala at nagmamahal sa 'kin... for that, gusto ko silang pasalamatan... sobrang sarap ng pakiramdam na kinoconsider ka ng mga tao sa paligid mo... na alam kong hindi ako pababayaan at kasama kong makikipaglaban para sa tama...
December 15, 2010
I AM SORRY
i know SORRY is the hardest word to say right now...
SORRY would mean admitting that you've also had faults on the conflict...
SORRY would mean you believe that God will not favor you in doing or saying anything against your brothers and sisters...
SORRY is the only way to end the issues in your mind...
SORRY would mean forgiving each other...
SORRY would mean saving the relationship...
SORRY would mean moving on...
i admit i had my share of mistakes on what happened...
i've honestly been insensitive... been one-sided...
i've made things complicated instead of bridging the gaps...
i've been immatured... so mean.. so rude... so unprofessional...
and in the end, the only thing that i gained with all these, NOTHING...
at least now, i could be at peace... i'll be moving on without baggage inside me...
because i am really SORRY...
MERRY CHRISTMAS=)
SORRY would mean admitting that you've also had faults on the conflict...
SORRY would mean you believe that God will not favor you in doing or saying anything against your brothers and sisters...
SORRY is the only way to end the issues in your mind...
SORRY would mean forgiving each other...
SORRY would mean saving the relationship...
SORRY would mean moving on...
i admit i had my share of mistakes on what happened...
i've honestly been insensitive... been one-sided...
i've made things complicated instead of bridging the gaps...
i've been immatured... so mean.. so rude... so unprofessional...
and in the end, the only thing that i gained with all these, NOTHING...
at least now, i could be at peace... i'll be moving on without baggage inside me...
because i am really SORRY...
MERRY CHRISTMAS=)
December 14, 2010
December 11, 2010
WEDDING BELLS
when i first saw their pics and learned that soon, very soon, they're going to be tied on each other forever, i won't deny there was a cut that i felt inside me... and since that day, i've been acting strange and i couldn't share about it to anyone even here 'cause i don't really know how i would express the disappointment.. oh i guess, it's not an issue anymore, i could handle it on my own... if you would ask me why i am disappointed, do i still have that feeling as before, NO... but yes, i won't deny that there was a part of me wishing i would be like her, someday... that's it... hahaha=( that hurts... so bad... the other story was recalled... i felt a part of me died and i don't know if time will come, i could revive it again... i know, i don't have the right to feel bitter... maybe i still hoped that somehow, somewhere, things would still work out for us but now i have to face it that it's impossible to happen... i should let go and move on with my life... anyway, seeing the happiness on their faces is enough for me to be happy for them... i wish them the best... and i hope one day, i'll be able to find what's meant for me, too... and when he comes, i'll be happier with my life...
December 8, 2010
SHOCK ABSORBER
no one had the guts to oppose my decision not to join the presentation, they tried to convince me, but sorry, i want to be out of the scene on that day... too bad, someone did the same but has been regarded negatively... maybe they were already expecting that i won't participate... and their violent side was expressed to her because she kept on murmuring things that made the oldies hot and wild... well, they can't do that to me, you know why? because they knew me, matigas talaga ang ulo ko... ahaha... and i mean what i say... when i said no, no one can break it, whatever it may take... most of all, i don't breathe words voicelessly... hindi ako basta bubulong-bulong lang, sisigaw ako... that's me, you can't scare me just like that... i always make my stand clear... if i want something, i'll go for it... if i don't like it, i won't waste my time on it..
December 6, 2010
EXCITED=)
two weeks to go, CHRISTMAS NA!!! and 5 more days for lps and all stuffs about being an educator... can't wait for the last day of hard task for this year, hmpp... i'm not complaining, maybe i just need a long break from all the things i do, to be away from the faces i see each day and buy myself some things not available here in cabzy ahehe=) that's it... i'm excited about our (mam judy) plan... that maybe one of the reasons why we became close, we both understand each other's passion... when we already got 'it', you'll know what it is... haha=)
i know next week will be toxic for us, the sunog bagas lol:) drop all that bawal-bawal for a week.. planadong-planado na ang after in all of the events... well, we are just enjoying our life... as long as we have all the chance to do it, go!
i know next week will be toxic for us, the sunog bagas lol:) drop all that bawal-bawal for a week.. planadong-planado na ang after in all of the events... well, we are just enjoying our life... as long as we have all the chance to do it, go!
December 5, 2010
December 4, 2010
?????
sabi ni honey, ang devil ko daw... sa kanya ko lang naman nasabi, nabanggit kahit pa'no kasi nagtanong siya...
hindi naman ako nalulungkot.. at mas lalong hindi ako nasasaktan... huh! gano'n na ba talaga 'ko kawalang puso... sobrang lupit... ewan ko... hindi ko alam... ano man ang dahilan ko, sa 'kin na lang 'yon...
hindi naman ako nalulungkot.. at mas lalong hindi ako nasasaktan... huh! gano'n na ba talaga 'ko kawalang puso... sobrang lupit... ewan ko... hindi ko alam... ano man ang dahilan ko, sa 'kin na lang 'yon...
December 2, 2010
THE ART OF BARBIE-Q
'yung nagsabi ng english ng manika--barbie-q ang gumawa n'yan...
naaliw ako dito sa lahat ng tsinek ko.. kasi kulay red 'yung baboy haha=)
wild talaga ang imagination kapag bata ka... kahit ano na lang... basta may gawa, 'yon ang mahalaga, ano pa man ang itsura...
and look, they can construct simple sentence, it feels great on my part...
nakakatuwang isipin na lahat ng hirap ko, nagkakaroon naman ng saysay...
December 1, 2010
JOHN KENNETH N. MOTIO
madaming bagay/tao sa paligid na hindi kanais-nais...
nakakabugnot... nakakabagot... nakakapagod...
kung may mga nagpapasaya sa 'kin sa ngayon... isa 'tong batang 'to...
maingay siya... makulit... malikot... lagi ko siyang pinapagalitan...
pero hindi pa din siya napapagod na kausapin ako, lapitan at siguro mahalin, dahil teacher niya 'ko...
at siguro din, dahil naniniwala siya sa 'kin... he enjoys talking to me... sharing his thoughts with me...
honestly, i love listening to kids stories... kahit walang sense para sa 'ting matatanda... i love hearing them talk and talk and talk about anything that mean nothing but means a lot to them... i appreciate their effort to get close to me 'cause there are only few people who got the guts to stand my attitude problem...
wheow! what's this about? what's going on? anong problema ko bakit parang may sarili akong mundo lately? hindi ko alam... hindi ko maintindihan...
someone just called me a while ago and the words i uttered repeatedly, MAY SASABIHIN KA PA BA?
so mean... and it doesn't feel great...
i knew, he needs me... but i can't be there... and i knew i'm being so cruel...
kahit isipin kong may kanya-kanya namang buhay ang bawat tao, bakit gano'n, parang hindi pwedeng wala na 'kong pakialam sa kanila...
ang hirap...
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