JACOB

so happy to know about this new chapter in his life..... wish he is sharing the happiness with me... [sigh]

ano pa mang lungkot ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, lilipas din, alam ko... at ang buhok ko, hahaba ulit... if i feel so ugly now, i will feel beautiful again, i hope, soon...

wala man akong makuhang dahilan para bumangon, pipilitin ko pa ding mabuhay ng kontento sa ano pa man ako... sa ano pa mang meron lang ako...

INSIDE OF ME

noon, kahit na alam kong walang kwenta ang buhay ko, okay lang, dahil alam kong may isang taong proud pa din sa 'kin... ano pa man ako... ngayon, wala man lang masaya for me... kahit na anong mangyari, alam kong may kakampi ako, alam kong may isang tao akong pwedeng ipagmalaki na meron ako... na may isang taong nandiyan... mahal ako...
siya lang ang meron ako... kaya nung nawala siya, lalo kong naramdaman ang pag-iisa... at lalo akong naging vulnerable...ang hirap-hirap ng wala siya... ang hirap-hirap maging malakas at matapang pala... dahil nung nandiyan siya, kapag hindi ko na kaya, siya ang lumalaban para sa 'kin...

ngayon, ayoko ng humarap sa madaming pagkakataon... tuluyan na kong pinanghinaan ng loob lumaban... para na lang akong naghihintay ng oras ko... walang pangarap... walang direksyon... walang-wala na akong makuhang dahilan para bumangon ulit...

SHORT HAIR

there's only one reason whenever i come up to this ugly decision, i hate the world...

HINDI KO NAMAN HINIHINGING MAAPPRECIATE NYO AKO.....................

one of the remarkable lines from the pot's piece last year during the harapan at laglagan moment... gusto ko lang ulitin, hindi ko naman hinihinging maappreciate nyo ako, pero huwag nyo naman akong idown...

pero ano pa bang magagawa ko... the damage has been done... hindi naman niya din kailangan pang maguilty... i hate to be mean, as usual, kaya nanahimik na lang ako....

i am not asking for any recognition or acknowledgement, pero masakit din pala 'yung pakiramdam na parang wala kang kwenta after all of my effort and sacrifices...

tama na din.. ayoko namang gawing issue pa 'to.. better keep it to myself... 

WISH

you have no idea what's running here in my head... i don't know what's this emptiness about... or maybe i just wish someone is right here beside me, watching cinderella's sister with me... or maybe i want that feeling, too, as what zarren is experiencing on tonight's episode, the feeling of being in love... spending time with the man i love...

maiinlove pa kaya ako ulit? hahaha=) sana... ang hirap naman kasing piliting maramdaman ang isang bagay na hindi mo naman talaga nararamdaman...

SIR ARCHIE

siguro hindi ko na maibabalik ang pagkakaibigan natin pero hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan kung pa'no ka naging kaibigan sa 'kin... sorry kung hindi man ako naging kaibigan sa'yo kahit kailan... alam ko naman na hindi mo 'ko mapapatawad sa lahat... pero kung sakaling dumating 'yung araw na maisipan mong lumingon, nandito lang ako... para sa 'kin, ikaw pa din ang bestfriend ko...

LOVE IS.....

there's only one principle i follow when it comes to love, LETTING GO...  but it doesn't mean i'm losing a part of me, instead it makes me feel complete for the spaces inside me have been filled of special memories by those people i have loved and let go...

RIGHT WAY

as usual nag-ubusan na naman kami ng pera ni ma'am judy... 'yun lang naman ang libangan naming dalawa... i bought myself girly stuffs... nagdadalaga ba? sort of hehe=) and some things na dadalin ko pag-alis ko bukas...

hmmm... alam kong hindi ito ang panahon para maging mahina dahil 43 bata ang responsibilidad kong turuan plus 40 bata sa BLT ang inaasikaso ko araw-araw... kailangan ko lang talagang huminga... umiyak... i will leave tom after class... 2 days lang siguro akong mawawala... feeling ko maoospital na naman ako sa tigas ng ulo ko, lahat ng bawal 'yun ang mga inaatupag ko... kaya bago pa mangyari 'yan, aalis na muna ko, para tumakas kahit saglit lang... tama ang isang kaibigan, duwag lang talaga ako... ayoko kasing harapin ang totoo...

minsan kasi, hindi naman ganon lang 'yon... basta alam kong wala naman akong pagsisihan kasi i've been there, okay na 'yon... tama na 'yon para sa 'kin... kahit naman lumaban ako kung nandon 'yung pakiramdam na hindi ako deserving, wala ding kapupuntahan ang lahat... lilipas din 'to... it's best to let it go and give way... to others way...

WIN-LOST

if i'm not mistaken, this is our seventh week devoting every wed to god... they say when you do such sacrifice, you want to ask something from him... at first, mam judy and i only wanted to thank him for saving us on that incident in front of former melanios.. then as we continue doing this, i have been asking him to heal someone... whatever reason i have for doing this, only god understands..

yesterday, i couldn't help it.. i pm cherryflor... the single word sent means desperation... i grew up away from the world around me... i used to build a link that never allow anyone to enter my life... and the only person i knew who is not afraid to dissolve that link is my bestfriend, stit... sorry... it was the only way i see to comfort myself... i cannot talk about this to anyone 'cause i keep on denying it... i never let them perceive the real thing inside me... i should be proud about it... brag it to the whole wide world... but it is something that i don't want to admit even to my own self..

whatever this thing that bothers me, it will pass... i have gone this way for so many times... i am too strong to let this defeat me... just in case this may scar me deeper than before, i know i can hold on to life's always assurance that time does change how things used to be... ^-^

UNFAIR

do you think i am still interested to hear you explaining yourself? what for? you have succeeded to put me at stake... don't push me to the edge... if this is the price for everything, it will be best to keep myself restrained... but inside, you know what i want to tell you, I DON'T DESERVE THIS!

THANKS=)

I feel a great sense of pride when big sis encouraged me to apply for a certain job to kuya lester's gf... it was really surprising... didn't expect she believes in me that much... of course i am very proud... the achiever is pushing the loser to spread her wings and grow... that is an achievement for me... though i haven't undergo the assessment yet... this opportunity means so much to me... it boosts my spirit.. even this wouldn't be my line of work for the better, i gain more strength to strive harder to become greater on where i am right now... i may not be of the best on this field but i always keep on hold with my duties and responsibilities... i perform more than what is required... i exert more than what is expected... and i owe all these to a lot of people who never get tired of listening to my hang ups all these years... i do appreciate their patience... for the years ahead, all i ask is trust... i promise i will never be a disappointment anymore...

BREAKTHROUGH

sabi ni V noon, love yourself by crying... whenever i feel blunt or left behind, i do cry.. to savor the pain... to appreciate the chance... and i pray, to leave everything in god's hands...

sometimes, people look at only on what they can... but maybe, if they only try to know me deeper, they'll see me better.. this is one of the instances i value more the love of sir soro and sir archie... i never outgrew longing for that kind of love... i am always that little girl who only needs to be treated honestly...

this is just another turning point... it means another door has been closed... another motivation to keep on believing and moving... i will never lose hope in spite of the unkind encounter... i know another page, a better if not the best page, will soon be opened and i'm looking forward to it... cheer!

WHY IT HURTS?

wala namang pinagkaiba 'yung pakiramdam noon nung tinanong ko si chris kung mahal niya pa din ako at sinagot ako na kahit sabihin niya na oo, wala ng magbabago, wala din namang kapupuntahan yon... masakit 'yung pakiramdam na hindi ako karapat-dapat mahalin... dahil hindi na ako 'yung ineexpect nila...

i don't have any intention of correcting their belief... sinungaling na ang labas ko, pinanindigan ko na.. After all, it's what i wanted to happen... let them think that I am just a second best... kahit hindi... shit talaga... 'yun lang pala 'yon...

Hindi naman ako takot magmahal ulit... Kaya kong magmahal ulit... Ang gusto ko lang, mamahalin din ako... nang totoo... nang buo... I just want the feeling that I am deserving no matter what... I want someone who will love me in the real sense of the word... someone who will do everything to win me... to be with me... someone who will fight for me til the end... Someone who will show me that it is always worth loving... and that love is not not unfair all the time... kung ako, ako lang... wala ng iba pa...

Ayokong mawalan ng pag-asa na dadating din ang pagkakataon na magmamahal ako ulit... Magmamahal ako ulit...hindi naman kailangan ng tamang panahon... tamang tao lang ang kailangan ko... ano pa man siya... mamahalin ko siya basta nakilala ko na siya..

FOR THE BEST

one more month bakasyon na!!! happy? yipee? yehey? still question mark.........

going up.. going down.. fast break.. heart ache.. too many things that may seem meaningless but mean so much to me... i am fine, perfectly fine... in spite of all...

i cannot cry at this point... all that i wish to do is hold tighter on all the things i believe is best... all i could do is pray... as what ate often tell me... i cannot ask for help... open myself to the best people in my life... this is a battle that i want to overcome on my own...

there are fears... i want to give up but i can't... no matter how things would break my heart, i know there are reasons behind them that will make me a better and stronger person... god has perfect plans for everybody... right things will happen in his time at the right places to the right persons... smile=)

One PM Away.....

didn't expect ate would be the one to open the door for me to one of my dreams... of course i said yes... i grabbed the chance, though i expressed my hesitation at first...

well, i'm just happy... no, i am happier...

hayyss... so tired... update na lang ako tom... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

NARRATIVE REPORT

aliw na aliw talaga ako kanina kasi 'yung narrative para bukas na kasamang isasubmit sa ETRE ng NAT hindi daw kailangan ng sentences... WEHHH! di nga? bwahahaha! hindi ako mapang-okray na tao dahil alam ko naman na hindi ako matalino... pero naman, kahit na belong ako sa mga moron, kahit pa'no hindi naman ako empty... peace! kanina napilitan akong maglabas ng powers para may maitype si charot na report na eenteran na lang namin ng data bukas... hayyyssss!!! pati narrative ng accomplishment namin, sabi niya igawa ko daw siya, sabi ko ako nga 'di ko pa magawan ang sarili ko, ayun nabadtrip yata kaya sinimangutan ako... hmppp... para naman kasing wala akong ginagawa... actually, masakit na ang ulo ko sa dami ng kailangang tapusin sa BLT... bukod sa mga narrative report, may mga forms pa na kailangang iaccomplish at 'yung attendance pa ng mga bata at parents at liquidation everyday.... superpowers talaga ang kailangan ko, dahil bukod sa mga 'yon, nag-iinday pa 'ko 'pag tanghali.. no choice.. wala naman kasing nagmamagandang loob na kahit pa'no tumulong... nakakapagod... lalo na ngayong mag-end na 'yung program at malapit na din ang checking ng mga forms sa district.... [sigh]