Be Happy

Last night, someone texted me that he is not happy, and he said he will not be happy, ever.. I am wondering, what do we wish to get in our life for us to say that we are happy? How much money we dream to earn to be happy? Are we really alone? Don’t we have a family? friends? we don’t do well in our job? we reach zero balance? we are sick? we think we are just a mess? we feel we are hopeless?

I asked one of my friends, "lagi akong talo, hindi ba pwedeng kahit minsan manalo naman ako?" I asked this to test his sympathy, hehe: ) Salamat kaibigan.. for raising my spirit up..

I cannot recall where I read this, HAPPINESS is the state of contentment and peace of mind.. Actually, I am always on the down side, always the loser, but in every step I have taken in my life, I have my family with me, I have my friends, I have God.. It is not true that we can never be happy in this life.. We can’t have everything we want, but we can still live our life.. we can be happy, in any way, anywhere..

After that distressing situation in NEDH’s ER, I am really thankful that God had given me another chance to continue my life.. I made a joke, I was born again hehe: )

I just laugh whenever Dexter text me as if I am one of the Mabikas class.. PNPA, PPSC and the rest along with my journey to get there, will always be a great part of me.. Without those attempts I have made and thwarts I have gone, I will not be the person that I am today.. Honestly, I wanted to be the top honor of this class hehe, ilusyon lang: ) so I will be able to speak in front of many people and let them know that behind this dream, is a daughter who loves her parents so much.. and all that this daughter wishes to do in her life is make her parents proud.. But as I’ve said, I will only carry this dream to my memory ‘til the end..

I cannot force the circumstance to put me in the rank.. No matter many times I try to turn away from where I am right now, I always end up staying here.. So I made a decision to move forward.. I will continue my masteral this coming school year.. no choice of school yet, but it is only in our city.. If my sched will allow me, I will enroll the advance or maybe it is better to enroll again the basic autocad, for skill and certificate purposes hehe: ).. I know you’ll be surprised to read this, I am now open to the possibility of working overseas.. astig, ‘di ba? why not? I want to take pictures in different places, experience to live in different cultures, have many friends in different nations..

I will also devote some of my time following the path of Kuya Eliezer in NGO’s.. My classmates in CLP before had inspired me so much with their advocacies.. Their influence is worthy to share.. I think of them when I am being unreasonable, because my feelings get moderated.. I can manage to balance my emotions when I am reminded of how good they are to other people.. Their compassion is remarkable.. I want to be like them when I reach their age.. I want to be an inspiration, too, to the young people who will touch my life someday..

All these things that I am working to achieve give me the opportunity to live the most of my life.. because we owe to ourselves the choice to be happy.. I am a frustrated cadet of Philippine National Police Academy, but my life didn’t stop there.. I continue my life on the other form of service to the people, as my sister told me, to the nobler one, in teaching.. I am brokenhearted, but my heart still beats.. I am still alive in spite of the pain.. After all, it encourages me to be a better teacher..

To end this post, whenever I feel down, lost and nothing, I always remember V's message when Tatay Tacio passed away, "girl, why don’t you try Jesus?"

Whatever things that bother us, let us put them in the hands of the one who will never get tired to carry them for us.. try Jesus..

to be happy is not a chance, it is your choice..

Choose to be happy with God..

BROKENHEARTED ME

A million miracles could never stop the pain or put all the pieces together again..

only mam charlote and sir nimrod have an idea on who makes me feel bad lately.. he did really affect my health a lot.. especially for the last two months.. sometimes i text ate shane about this, but most of the time, i just denied this to myself.. there were nights i never sleep.. there were so many times i just pretend to be fine.. i focused on my job to the point i forgot to give myself some time to relax.. because i don't want to entertain him in my head.. i don't want him in my life anymore.. but it is not that easy to delete someone in your life.. someone you have adored the most in your life..

i don't know how long i would be like this.. i surrender this fight long time ago but no matter how many times i have tried to let go, i just couldn't get there completely..

i hate to talk about this again.. over and over again.. me, brokenhearted?.. unbelievable, isn't it? I know it's hard to believe that i am suffering a feeling of hopelessness at this point.. i couldn't express this.. it's not because i am reluctant to admit that i am emotionally down.. i really don't know how i would cry at this weakest moment.. i also don't know how i would let my friends know that i need them.. sir archie, ayie, jr, V and the others whom i know can make me feel alright.. gusto kong umiyak, ang sakit-sakit na kasi.. kahit pala ga'no ako katapang, hindi ko pala kayang mag-isa ngayon.. i need a friend.. i need a hug.. i need someone who will make me feel that everything will be fine.. that i will be fine, one day, someday..

UPDATE LANG SA ITSURA KO hehe:)

kakalabas ko lang diyan sa hospi kaya muka talaga akong may sakit.. halata bang maputla?

since sunday pasyente na ko ng nanay ko..

after kong ma-discharge sa hospi last wed, hayyy.. apat na A ang kailangan ko iwasan. lahat ng masarap na pagkain.. kaya niloloko ako ng kaibgan ng kapatid ko n ngaun ko sbhen ung sinasabi ko s kanya na ang buhay ay hindi pahabaan, ito ay pasarapan.. hindi pa din ako pwedeng pumasok at higit sa lahat, bawal magfacebook.. wahaha. bawal bawal, e may cellphone ako.. dito ko naka-online.. nyenyenye
pero nakakapanibago.. kahit magbasa sa bulatlat o inquirer.net kahit saglit lang sa isang araw hindi ko magawa..
nakakabugnot, nakakasira ng ulo, pero wala akong choice kundi magtiis at sumunod..
hindi pala kasi madali o masarap magkasakit.. tsk.. tsk.. tsk..
nagkamalay na lang ako nung monday may oxygen na ako sa ilong at may dextrose sa kamay.. yun yata ang moment sa buhay ko na hndi ko mapaniwalaan at hindi ko malaman kung ano ang gagawin..
bigla ko tuloy natanong si bro, GAME OVER NA BA KO? bigla naman din syang napasagot, NO, WALA KA PANG LAHI.. hehe.. Joke!

ITUTULOY:)

I'M BACK

I pray for those who laugh at me and think negatively on what i've been through.. DARE TO SEE THE EFFECTS OF THE INJECTIONS? (baka makalbo ka).. I am avoiding to be mean and do drastic moves for some people I consider, I respect.. and for the kids who believe in me..

And I just want to assure those who cry for me that i am fine now.. especially my lunch buddies and melisa.. i do appreciate their concern.. no doubt, it's pure.. I miss them, too.. I really wanted to go back to work but i am still recovering.. Ayokong pwersahen 'yung sarili ko baka lalo akong walang ma-trabaho..

QUALITY LIFE

We have laws that control human activities.. There is an equivalent penalty for doing something against what is enforced.. If you steal other’s property..If you kill somebody..If you do not obey signs in the community:  DO NOT ENTER.. ONE WAY.. NO LOADING.. NO UNLOADING.. “NO LEFT TURN”.. (?)

As far as I am concern, my misbehavior is not violating any legal system.. I am still acting mischievously even at this age.. So? My childlike way is a manner of amusing myself from all the challenges I face..  It’s my way of preparing myself to different possibilities.. Indication of being ARTISTIC or AUTISTIC? whatever.. I will never hold myself in doing entertainment even if I would be put in disciplinary actions.. I am human.. Whatever things I do, it’s my own choice.. It is all up to me how I am going to be the way I am.. I hate restrictions.. I am not afraid to cross the boundaries of what is said to be the proper way, the nicest way or the thing they set you must do to be qualified in other people’s impression.. As long as I am not violating any human rights on my immaturity, I will always be fine staying this way..

 It’s not a punitive decision to be yourself..  and to explore is vital for me.. I know I will not be sent to jail if this is my way of letting things widen my point of view.. This is just me.. I establish my dark sides visible, without harming anyone.. I exhibit annoying orientation, but I am considerate to the people around me.. I understand through my unpredictable moods .. I do not fear rejections.. I do not prioritize other’s opinions.. I do not approach circumstances with doubts.. I do not regret failures.. I dream big.. I risk all the chance.. I do not care being criticized.. I cry when I am almost or already on the edge.. I make the best out of the bad situations.. I am loud.. I am insensitive.. I am despicable.. I am horrible.. but I am just choosing to be real.. Because I am aware of the eyes that matter most, watching me every step of the way.. I play with a humble heart.. I offer my assistance without cost.. I take responsibility in providing comfort for the needy.. I accomplish something for being humane.. I acknowledge the attempt of some to love me.. I apologize for being inconvenient for them.. I appreciate their compassion.. I may go reckless for myself but I could move over to give way to others.. I forgive.. I forget.. I am always willing to convey learning..

When I reach the end of this road I am taking, I will be satisfied on the footprints I have left along the way.. There wouldn’t be grudges in spite of the unkind times.. I could be one of the most unfavorable persons you may know but I have never tried to mislead any of you on what I am not.. Sometimes, I may be less or broken, but I am never more than the genuine me or never been deceptive of my qualities.. I am only what I am.. not intentional.. just natural..

CONGRATULATIONS!

We lose ourselves when we compromise the very ideals that we fight to defend.. 

And we honor those ideals by upholding them not when it's easy, but when it is hard.. 

-OBAMA

i was made very devastated.. don't know if i am being too idealistic, "praning", or only influenced by many autistic people kaya ako nagkakaganito..
i intend to be a disappointment for them, but would you believe that i am more disappointed on how they look at things, important things that we must consider when you are being tested by circumstances.. Would you set aside your principles just to conform?
gano'n daw kasi ang kalakaran sa lipunang 'to.. if you would go against the flow, you will be marked as PASAWAY.. if your ideas are different from the rest, you will be considered matigas ang ulo or OUT OF THIS WORLD.. just to fit in, you will forget everything??? 

Today, i learned that there is only one "V" that I would know in my life.. The great great IVY GRACE JUAN-CAUZON whom I always try to look at every educator I meet on where I am right now.. For three years, I have not seen someone who is like her.. 'yung kayang tumayo, manindigan, hindi takot magsalita at hindi papayag na magpa-api na lang kung nasa katwiran.. no matter what it takes..

Ayoko ng pahabain pa.. NO USE.. USELESS.. NONSENSE.. ONLY A WASTE OF TIME.. Hindi din naman maaabot ng pang-unawa ng madami ang ibig kong sabihin..

Just one thing.. Sabi nga ni Lualhati Bautista, ituwid natin ang paliwanag na hindi natin matanggap..

Tumambay muna ko sa office ni Papa before I went home.. At the end of this day, there's only one person I need to get the SYMPATHY.. i know no matter how bad i have made myself today, he will never condemn me..his only concern is if i am okay..

i am okay.. and i will be okay giving myself the chance to make a difference.. seeing him is enough to get my spirit recharge to go! go! go!..

RECORD BREAKER

are they alarmed, shocked or disapointed? how can a profesional teacher acted that way. tatay narsing textd me i am being pilya, gaga and just KSP.. i asked him if he was the representative from DOST, would he stil certify me? he said, YES. Of course he would say that para utuin ako to try to be a good girl..

but it feels great.. being bad.. doing wrong.. being the one who is not like everybody else who needs to be regarded as ^magaling^..

i am very much known for being the weakest link.. the most stupid.. the WORST.. I am used to it.. i am not ashamed for being abnormal..

i wont change. i wud do wat i wish to do even if it means i will not be accepted..

my atitude problem is a lot comfortable to stand than force myself to act as if i am fine being graced for what i am not..

BEST in DRAWING year 1989 hehe:)

1-8 'yung parts ng house namin hehe:) pasensiya na, adik lang po talaga 'kong sadya.. 'yung may shade sa tabi ng 9, 'yung tinuturo ng arrow, 'yan po 'yung balak kong patayuan ng lungga this summer.. planadong-planado na ang pagtandang dalaga ko 'di ba? haha:) iniisip ko kung dun sa 11 or 12 na part nung lote namin.. pero wala naman akong malaking budget.. unti-unti lang 'yung kaya ko para maipatayo 'yung plan na ginawa ko kasunod nito.. 

PAMBALIK TALAGA SA KINDER, haha:)

'etong 1-4 'yung FIRST FLOOR..
1) receiving hehe:)     2) kitchen at dining     3) T and B     4) hagdan po papunta sa
SECOND FLOOR
5) 'yan 'yung sa pagpasok sa taas hehe:) para sa mga lulang hindi makakaintindi..
6) cabinet, 'yung kagaya sa room ko ngayon 'yung ipapagawa ko din..  7) bed  8) terrace.. (for SENTI purposes, siyempre)

maliit lang 'yan.. para lang makabukod ako pero hindi pa din nakahiwalay kila mama, haha:) gulo ba?

it's GULONG season, i mean madaming trabaho.. Kung hindi ka pa sanay, 100% mangangarag ka talaga..
need to start fixing EVERYTHING, by next week dapat ayos na lahat, as in all the forms and reports needed, to be cleared on the closing of this school year..
I am planning to ask Mam Madelon if I could leave after the grad ceremony on March 29.. but i'll be back din on 31, kahit sandali lang okay na.. I will go SOMEWHERE.. For once, I want to get away from the person I have to be every day of my life as an educator, a person who is always in control of her emotion.. need some space, to cry..
I have done my job this school year without being OUT OF MYSELF, hehe:)
I tried to be a good teacher, even if it means sacrificing a lot.. (?) soon to be detailed..

as of now, need to take some rest.. kanina pa hindi maganda ang kondisyon ko..

A PIECE OF ME

"IT'S NOT THE DREAM.. IT'S THE GIRL BEHIND THE DREAM.."

My father was just scared when he found out I am involving myself to subversive activities when I was 17 years old.. Though I have no regrets, I admit, I’ve been too self-centered for taking that road, less travelled.. Suddenly, I felt alarmed for their security.. It was the biggest disappointment I have caused to my family especially to Papa.. He said he was controlling himself to hurt me because I am a girl.. I am never confused on my gender but that night he confronted me, I wish I were a boy, so he could just punch me for everything..  It wasn’t a big deal that he didn’t allow me to go out in our house the next day, but it was a big big torture on my part that he didn’t bother to talk about it anymore.. He acted as if nothing happened.. He made me feel that even I am his daughter, I still need to find myself as a person.. He never denied me the freedom to do what I wish to do in my life..

Before I graduated from college, he handed me the application form for BSPS in Castaňeda.. Out of guilt, I wholeheartedly embrace that it must be the consequence of my misdeed.. From LEFT to CORRECT?.. (sorry, can’t think of the appropriate word).. He provided me all the things that would help me.. Even just buy me a newspaper every morning is a big thing to him.. His moral support was consistently on the extreme level.. Until I made it on the first step.. He was so proud to me because only four applicants passed in our province.. It was radio-messaged in the whole city and his colleagues were congratulating him for being the father of the only girl who achieved the privilege to pursue the next level of screening process in PPSC, Taguig City.. It is a very rare chance that’s why he was so honored for pushing me to get there.. Can you imagine how many young people in our country became frustrated for not being able to get the opportunity to move forward after the admission test? Nationwide, only 1501 succeed..

This is the hardest part, the most painful part, only 30% hit the quota.. To make it very clear, HINDI AKO KASALI.. It was a battle of the better than all others.. The most deserving ruled.. And I was one of the 70% who were beaten..

I guess it is not necessary to elaborate what made my dream cracked.. I just want to share it was really frustrating.. But I didn’t stop there, the next year, I tried again, and then the year after that. I followed the belief that, TRY AND TRY UNTIL YOU SUCCEED.. And all of that attempts always put me on the very promising list of disqualified applicants.. Hindi pala totoo ang KAPAG MAY TIYAGA, MAY NILAGA, ‘di ba? But I must say, everything happens for a reason.. The last time I wanted to try my luck even just in Olivas, Pampanga, Papa ceased my application.. He told me to stop.. It was maybe the time I felt the need to free myself from the guilt feeling for what I have committed before..

All of us go through the search for self-fulfillment.. When I found mine, it was on the unacceptable setting for many.. It was a crucial phase of my life.. I was torn between myself and my family.. Everybody thinks that I am tough, but tough people also have their weaknesses.. And my family is one of them.. I chose to stay with them for no other reason, I love them.. Papa didn’t force me to do all this sacrifice, it’s my own initiative. I wanted to be like him to let him know that I respect him and I look up to him so much and that I didn’t intend to put our family in danger..

I could never be like Papa.. I could never bring myself to where I am not meant to be.. I could never rectify the unwise move that hurt them.. It was maybe a big mistake to direct myself on the wrong side but it doesn’t mean I never loved them.. All these years, they are all that I have got.. And maybe, the years ahead, they will still be the only one who would never turn away from me even if, just in case, I arrive to a decision to turn left again.. JUST KIDDING: ) Now, I could say I have learned to be considerate.. to my family.. I have learned to be security conscious.. `for my family.. All the things I have gone through the years of my struggle to live in the academy made me a better daughter..

After watching the part 1 video of MABIKAS class, I disregarded the tasks I planned to accomplish last week to give myself some time to reflect.. Last night, I texted my sister about it and she told me everything has its purpose.. When I watched the videos I made for my former pupils, realizations sink in to me.. I know I will be disappointing the people I keep on boosting to go after their dream.. But this is what I needed to do to release myself from the cross I carried for so many years.. It is about time I should let go and move on.. I am the one depriving myself of the possibilities to grow on where I am right now.. I am putting this dream to rest because there is a life out HERE that needs my full devotion..

I will always remember how my PNPA’s dream motivated me.. I give my biggest CONGRATULATIONS to MABIKAS class.. and to the 70% they defeated four years ago.. And to those whose fight is ongoing, Sir Romulo Banta is right, GOD HAS A PERFECT PLAN TO EVERYONE.. If it’s for you, it’s yours, if not, very simple, IT IS NOT YOURS.. Though not everyone will favor their endeavor, at least, you give your best in making your dreams happen than not try to make it happen at all.. Life has many options.. Just let go and let God.. As Mariah Carey’s song goes, when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong and you finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you..

WIN by Brian McKnight

Ito daw ang official class song ng MABIKAS CLASS 2010 ng PNPA.. huhu, nakakaiyak.. parang kailan lang na nasa PPSC ako at gumuho ang lahat..
Pangarap na pangarap kong makapasok sa academy pero hanggang escarcha hall lang ako lagi..laging disqualified.. underheight.. hehe:) Kaya tinanggap ko na lang na siguro I am not meant to hold guns.. I am meant for the kids.. kagaya ng lagi kong sinasabi.. pampalubag loob..

Natutuwa na din ako at nakahanap ako ng taong makakasalat sa nararamdaman ko.. Pareho lang kasi kami na mas gustong magpakasal sa PNPA kaysa mag-asawa talaga, 'yung literal.. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, mas nginawaan ko pa yan kaysa sa mga naging boyfriend ko.. hehe.. Iba kasi ang pakiramdam na nakikita mo 'yung sarili mo, i mean 'yung alam mong ikaw 'yung GINAGAWA MO SA BUHAY MO.. gets niyo ba?

Para sa lahat, ito lang din ang sinabi ko pa sa kanya.. 'wag kang susuko.. ilaban mo ang pangarap mo hanggang may pagkakataon.. kahit na mabigo ka ng paulit-ulit.. ang mahalaga, ginawa mo ang lahat..

Sa totoo lang, ito talaga ang kanta ko para sa sarili ko sa lahat ng nangyari.. SUPERMAN by Five for Fighting..

I am only a man looking for her dream..

JULY 28, 2000

hehe: ) alalang-alala pa talaga 'di ba? may date kasi sa scrap book.. ngayon ko na nga lang ulit nakita 'tong pic na 'to after 1 decade.. wahaha: ) 'di ko na nga din maalala sino ba 'yang hinaharass ko na 'yan.. hehe:) mukha namang enjoy na enjoy siya..

tama si Bob Ong, "ang mga dating crush ng bayan ay magmumukha ding pandesal pagdating ng araw".. *check my pics na lang in FB for proofs, hehe:)

biniro ko si ivy na every year kasi nag-expand ako.. i was 13 diyan sa pic na 'yan, waist line? 26.. now? i am 23, 1 inch every year ang iningcrease hehe:) bahala na kayong mag-compute kung ano na ngayon..

pero wala naman akong pakialam kahit 5 inches every year pa ang iincrease.. HELLO! cute naman ang mga kulig..

masarap nga sigurong maging maganda pero NAKARAAN na 'yon sa buhay ko, haha:)
kaya 'yung mga kumukumbinsi sa 'kin na mag-diet, Grrrr.. hindi ko kaya..
tama na.. ayos naman ako sa piggy fats ko.. may kumakasya pa namang damit sa 'kin kahit pa'no.. hindi naman gano'n ka-API 'yung feeling kung may gustung-gusto kang bilin na damit tapos hanggang LARGE lang ang size e XL ka o XXXL pa..

oy! may advantage din naman ang malaki ang katawan..
*hindi ka basta naaapi.. nagdadalawang-isip muna sila, aba! mahirap yatang madaganan..
*hindi ka pag-iinteresang ligawan, kasi aakalain nila na sampu na ang anak mo.. safe ka sa pamemeste ng mga manlolokong lalaki sa mundo..
*all in one na.. may unan ka na, may sofa ka pa at may stuff toy ka pa..

at 23, with vital stats of engkk, engkk, engkk.. wala naman na akong winiwish kay Lord na slimming power.. tanggap ko naman.. kung ano man ako ngayon, AKO 'to.. ayoko ng mag-effort to lose weight..

ang buhay naman ay hindi PAGANDAHAN lang, it's how you make it with what you are..

ILUSYON LANG 'YAN..

Pwede na ba 'kong bumalik sa kinder? hehe:)

JUST FOR A MOMENT

“some” of the people that I have shared special, ordinary and depressing JOURNEY for the past five years.. The people that printed significant marks in my heart during their stay.. Those who dared to love me and those who refused to love me..

I wanted to acknowledge almost everybody I met along the way but it would take a long time before I will be able to post this one..

I hope when you see your name, you would know that I THANK YOU for touching my life..

ARCHIE ROMANO “Stit”

DHAIDAN PARUNGAO “Bob”

JERIC SAN VICENTE “Mr. Bean”

ERVIN CABAL “Pare”

REGIE SENG “Regie”

MELISA DIONISIO “Lisa”

RENATO VENTURA JR. “Jr”

PETER ILAGAN “Boss Peter”

ANNA MARIE TOLENTINO “Ate Anna”

CHRISTIAN GALUZ “Chris”

LEONISA BAUTISTA “Ma’am Lisa”

IVY GRACE JUAN “V”

JOSEPH TEDDY M. GARCIA “Ayie”

The pieces of my past will not be completed without the contributions of the PEOPLE who COME and Go in my life.. No matter how long or how short you have stayed, no matter how much or how little the memories you have given me.. All was counted.. Thank you so much..

Prolab at Lazaro Francisco E/S

VENTURA

Minsan ko nang tinanong si Ivy kung ano ba ang mas mahalaga, kaibigan o katahimikan? Kung katahimikan man ang pinipili ko ngayon, hindi para sa ‘kin, para sa iba.. Kaibigan kita.. kaya habang buhay akong magi-guilty sa pag-iwas na ginagawa ko sa’yo.. Pero kaya kong tiisin ‘yan kaysa makagulo sa isip ng ibang tao..

May utang ka sa ‘kin na isang araw.. Kung sakaling masisingil pa kita, punta tayong Bacao, punta tayong Sports Complex sa Palayan, ikot tayo sa Oval ng Nehs, upo tayo sa Park, laro tayo ng badminton, magpahabol tayo sa aso, inom tayo... Na-mimiss ko ‘yung mga lakad natin.. ‘yung nawala tayo sa madilim na daan sa Victoria Mansion papunta kila Tatay.. ‘yung naligaw tayo sa pagpunta kila Shiela sa San Carlos.. ‘yung mga gabing kung san-san tayo umiikot.. Na-mimiss ko ‘yung may sumusundo sa ‘kin.. ‘yung may naghahatid.. ‘yung may nag-aalala.. Na-miss kita.. Na-miss kitang kasama.. Na-mimiss ko ang tropa..

Kung pwede nga lang kasing habang buhay na lang tayong walang pakialam sa mundo.. Single ka, single ako.. Pero hindi na nga kasi gano'n ngayon, hindi ka na single.. UTO KA KASI! Kailangan na nating humarap sa mga pagbabago.. kung kinakailangan nating itapon ang mga nakakagulo, itapon natin.. Masakit man sa ‘kin, isa ‘ko sa mga ‘yon na dapat mong alisin sa buhay mo..

Masaya ako na naabot niyo na ang mga pangarap natin, kahit naiwan ako.. Hahabol na lang ako pagdating ng araw.. Sorry.. Alam kong madami akong maling nagawa sa’yo, sa inyo, noon.. Pero isa ka, kayo, sa mga taong nagbibigay ng direksiyon sa ‘kin kapag lumilingon ako sa nakaraan.. Salamat sa mga ala-alang meron ako ngayon.. sa mga aral na gumagabay sa ‘kin sa paglipas ng panahon..Hinding-hindi ko kayo makakalimutan, mga pare ko sa Park.. -Jopay

I remember when nobody cared, but YOU..

      

SOMEONE TO LOVE

After Ervin, I never think of loving again.. But in case someone is designed to come into my life, I am willing to open my heart the moment he knocks..

I’d been reckless in my choices with my past relationships.. There were bad signs that I overlooked.. At the end of all my foolish moves, I was always the one left behind with a broken heart and broken dreams.. And the hardest part each time, it required me a lot of courage before I was able to get through..

One of the consolations today, I can always look back in the past and think that whatever experience I had with those people who caused damages inside me, I’ve learned.. Every beat of our broken hearts is a breakthrough.. Never let it become your reason to commit the same misery to others.. Don’t let it weaken your conscience.. Right must still rule over wrong.. Always remember how it feels when you’re on the dark side, the victim of the so-called love they made you believe..

Ayie will always be the first love in my life and my first broken heart.. Christian will always be the one I have loved the most, my biggest illusion and one of my frustrations.. And Ervin, he will always be my PARE, the TALL, DARK and ARMY who only played a game with me..

I am not perfect.. but it doesn’t mean I am incapable to love and unworthy to be loved.. Whoever is next and the last, I wish, who will occupy the special space in my heart, I am looking forward to meet him.. I pray he will be the RIGHT ONE.. Someone who is not like Ayie, who betrayed my trust.. Someone who is not like Christian, who made me feel undeserving.. And someone who is not like Ervin, who can afford to spoil my life..

I just want a simple man.. a responsible man.. an honest man.. a man who will truly love me.. I don’t want another one-way love affair.. Another experiment.. Another conquest.. Another emotional crisis.. I want certainty this time.. I want peace of mind.. I want security.. and I want forever.. smile: )

For my FAMILY.. always, ITCHAY

 

DIRECTION

 

 Sabi nga sa binabasa ko, try to accomplish something each day..

SEE the kids? 

each day they go to school, i make sure they will gain a lot from me..

It's an achievement for me to see them learn.. through my hard work..

JUNK THE JUNK

Time does not erase things..

People erase things..

People erase people..

Room Examiners of NATIONAL ACHIVEMENT TEST for GRADE THREE at SAN JOSEF ELEMTARY SCHOOL

hindi 'yan sa San Josef, hehe:) sa farm 'yan nila Louraine sa Sumacab after ng NAT..

SURPRISED

We always have a choice, we can always choose to do what is right".. -PETER PARKER

parang God gave me too much sa kaka-senti ko last sunday night.. si gori nga lang ang inisip ko.. si dexter kasi, malabo.. besides, i deleted their numbers to my contacts kaya wala talagang means para maka-connect sa kanila..

didn't expect to see JR after two years.. a changed man.. pulis na siya ngayon.. malaki na ang katawan.. and take note, MARRIED..

it feels good to be with OLD FRIENDS again.. kaya minsan i feel it is not fair that i have to keep myself away from them dahil nagseselos ang mga asawa nila..

wala namang mali.. dati naman kaming friends.. siguro kasi ayoko lang talaga ng gulo.. lalo na at napaginipan ko pa si RAINE.. parang kinatok lang ako ng konte.. hindi ako perfect na tao pero alam ko kung saan ko dapat ilugar ang sarili ko.. mas mabuti na sigurong lumayo na lang ako.. ayoko din namang makasagasa ng damdamin ng iba..

sana maunawaan na lang niya ko kung ako na lang ang iiwas.. masakit din naman sa 'kin, lalo na ngayon.. pero ayos na din 'to.. sanay naman na 'kong wala sila..

NEED A CLOWN;(

I already sent the message to "gori" before i realized that it was quite offensive.. ipamukha ba kasing itsura pa lang niya matatawa ka na.. SMILE:) but just the same, no guilt feeling after reading his response kasi sinupladuhan niya lang din naman ako.. what's new? siya lang naman kasi ang malapit na pwedeng harrassin..

stress free life is impossible at this point.. 30 days before the end for this school year, the pressure is thrice.. FOR ME.. not that we are loaded of reports and forms for checking.. because of my goal concerning the kids..  plus some IRRATIONAL and INCONSIDERATE parents are causing us troubles.. ya, that explains the NEED to see old friends.. need some spirit RESCUE.. i am a line away to blowing my temper.. hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko pa kakayaning makapagpasensiya.. baka SUMPUNGIN ako bigla, umiral ang pagiging AUTISTIC ko.. tsk.. tsk.. CANNOT BE.. problema 'yon sigurado.. iniisip ko na lang na sobrang bait ng principal namin, kaya natututo akong MAHIYA, kahit pa'no..  SEE, may exceptions ang pagiging OUT OF THIS WORLD ko.. infairness, marunong siyang RUMESPETO sa DAMDAMIN namin.. kaya nakakakonsensiyang gumawa ng krimen.. THAT'S ALL:)

maybe i should start packing my things..  for a GRAND VACATION.. hehe:)
sobrang katinuan na ang ginawa ko for a few months.. ni-reserve ko talaga lahat ng energy ko sa mga adventures this summer.. i deserve a BIG BREAK..

i didn't bother to sit on my table the whole day kahit nag-blackout.. nagturo pa din ako kahit biniro din ako ni mam irene na 'wag na muna 'kong magturo.. tsaka ko na lang ililigpit ang mga KALAT na lang do'n sa table ko..

ewan.. i feel very different.. there are things still not done, but i am not sinking anymore.. maybe i just learned to be more willing.. to LET GO..