seems that love is impossible to get its space in my heart now.. and marriage is dreading me so much... though i'm trying to open my heart... but the harder i exert the effort to make it happen inside me, the more i get the feeling of being unable... have i lost the capacity to feel the magic? or am i not really deserving? no! i don't believe that i do... i just haven't found the right man yet... the man that i will love the best that i could is not yet appearing...
what about jonathan? i know i'm being unfair with him... i am becoming a player that i've hated so much from all the men who broke my heart and made into pieces every beautiful belief i got about love and life... i admit it's all my fault.. yes, always! 'cause i'm too stupid and too damn friendly... even crossing the boundaries doesn't make me learn to love him... 'cause love is not about being entertaining... love requires no effort... love is just simply love once you felt it in your heart...
i hate to hurt him... 'cause i knew very well how it feels like... it's like dying each day you are still alive... but what can i do? keep this longer? make more excuses? create more lies? build more rooms for regrets?
wish breaking someone else's heart is as simple as shutting down a PC... the only thing to do is click the TURN OFF button... when it happens, i would never feel guilty anymore...
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