December 29, 2008
December 23, 2008
CHRISTMAS TIME
Just got home from Dely’s, nagpa-facial at massage ako.. May gown na ‘ko para sa wed ni V sa Sat.. Buti pa siya.. Ako talaga hindi ko man lang maimagine ‘yung sarili ko na magsusuot ng wedding gown..
Siyempre wala namang bago.. Nami-miss ko si Chris.. lalo na at ang dami kong nakikitang magjowawa.. Naiinggit ako.. Winiwish ko na sana kasama ko siya..
Bakit nga ba ganon? Kapag pumupunta din ako ng church sinasabi ko kay lord na gusto kong sabihin na mahal na mahal ko siya pero para ano pa ba? Tama naman siya, wala ng magbabago..
Buong buhay ko na apektado.. Tama naman si Epeng, ‘pag nawala siya, guguho ang mundo ko.. Minsan nga gusto ko na lang uminom ng sleeping pills, ewan ko ba.. Alam ko mahirap intindihin.. ang dami-dami naman sanang lalaki sa mundo.. Pero bakit kahit nasa malayo siya, siya lang ang naiisip ko..
Kung pwede lang may mag-wish ulit na sana maging masaya ulit ako.. Sana..
Pero siguro malalagpasan ko din ‘tong lungkot na ‘to.. Matututunan ko din na makalimutan siya..
Siyempre para magawa ko ‘yon kailangan kong mag-general cleaning ng buhay ko..
Itatapon ko na lahat ng picture naming dalawa.. ititira ko lang ‘yung class pictures nung high school.. dahil wala pang komplikasyon non..
Nabura ko na mga pics sa laptop ko, ‘yung sa friendster na lang..
Change number..
Tapos April na lang siguro ulit ako mag-oopen ng friendster..
Tapos babalik ako ng park, balik long-run.. maglalaro ulit ako ng badminton at try ko mag-join sa aero..
At higit sa lahat, hindi na ‘ko aasa na pwede pa kami..
Hindi katulad date na umiinom ako talaga at nalalasing ng sobra.. Alam ko na kailangan ko na din namang ilugar ‘yung sarili ko kahit na masakit ang puso ko..
Siyempre wala namang bago.. Nami-miss ko si Chris.. lalo na at ang dami kong nakikitang magjowawa.. Naiinggit ako.. Winiwish ko na sana kasama ko siya..
Bakit nga ba ganon? Kapag pumupunta din ako ng church sinasabi ko kay lord na gusto kong sabihin na mahal na mahal ko siya pero para ano pa ba? Tama naman siya, wala ng magbabago..
Buong buhay ko na apektado.. Tama naman si Epeng, ‘pag nawala siya, guguho ang mundo ko.. Minsan nga gusto ko na lang uminom ng sleeping pills, ewan ko ba.. Alam ko mahirap intindihin.. ang dami-dami naman sanang lalaki sa mundo.. Pero bakit kahit nasa malayo siya, siya lang ang naiisip ko..
Kung pwede lang may mag-wish ulit na sana maging masaya ulit ako.. Sana..
Pero siguro malalagpasan ko din ‘tong lungkot na ‘to.. Matututunan ko din na makalimutan siya..
Siyempre para magawa ko ‘yon kailangan kong mag-general cleaning ng buhay ko..
Itatapon ko na lahat ng picture naming dalawa.. ititira ko lang ‘yung class pictures nung high school.. dahil wala pang komplikasyon non..
Nabura ko na mga pics sa laptop ko, ‘yung sa friendster na lang..
Change number..
Tapos April na lang siguro ulit ako mag-oopen ng friendster..
Tapos babalik ako ng park, balik long-run.. maglalaro ulit ako ng badminton at try ko mag-join sa aero..
At higit sa lahat, hindi na ‘ko aasa na pwede pa kami..
Hindi katulad date na umiinom ako talaga at nalalasing ng sobra.. Alam ko na kailangan ko na din namang ilugar ‘yung sarili ko kahit na masakit ang puso ko..
December 21, 2008
December 20, 2008
ACCOMPLISHED
Ek ek lang.. Invi sa birthday ng beybi ni Ma’am Myra.. Sabi ko kasi ‘wag na ‘yung mga anek anek na cartoon character, hindi pa naman kilala ng anak niya si batman, spiderman at superman, kaya ganyan ang design, confetti.. Ginawa ko kahapon habang nakatanga kami sa ACA.. Cute ng beybi niya, kakainggit..
SIR ARCHIE
Hindi ko kinakalimutan lahat ng tulong na ginawa mo sa ‘kin lalo na nung naglayas ako.. Buong buhay ko sa’yo lang ako umiyak ng ganon kung naaalala mo pa..
Alam ko na ang sama-sama ng ugali ko.. Alam ko hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan sa’yo.. Pero alam ko, alam ng mga kaibigan natin at ng family ko that you’ve tried to be a best friend to me.. Lagi kang nandiyan para damayan ako sa kahit anong paraan at kahit na nasa malayo ka.. Hindi ko man nasasabi sa’yo noon pero I am very proud having you in my life..
For so many years, I didn’t expect that we would just end this way.. Alam kong galit ka sa ‘kin sa ginawa ko pero I only care about you and your family.. I pray na sana maging maayos na lahat especially that you will have a new baby soon..
I am really SORRY.. At nami-miss ko na ang bestfriend ko..
Kahit na kinalimutan mo na ‘ko, kung maiisipan mo na lumingon, nandito pa din ako.. You are always welcome..
Alam ko na ang sama-sama ng ugali ko.. Alam ko hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan sa’yo.. Pero alam ko, alam ng mga kaibigan natin at ng family ko that you’ve tried to be a best friend to me.. Lagi kang nandiyan para damayan ako sa kahit anong paraan at kahit na nasa malayo ka.. Hindi ko man nasasabi sa’yo noon pero I am very proud having you in my life..
For so many years, I didn’t expect that we would just end this way.. Alam kong galit ka sa ‘kin sa ginawa ko pero I only care about you and your family.. I pray na sana maging maayos na lahat especially that you will have a new baby soon..
I am really SORRY.. At nami-miss ko na ang bestfriend ko..
Kahit na kinalimutan mo na ‘ko, kung maiisipan mo na lumingon, nandito pa din ako.. You are always welcome..
SIR ARCHIE
Hindi ko kinakalimutan lahat ng tulong na ginawa mo sa ‘kin lalo na nung naglayas ako.. Buong buhay ko sa’yo lang ako umiyak ng ganon kung naaalala mo pa..
Alam ko na ang sama-sama ng ugali ko.. Alam ko hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan sa’yo.. Pero alam ko, alam ng mga kaibigan natin at ng family ko that you’ve tried to be a best friend to me.. Lagi kang nandiyan para damayan ako sa kahit anong paraan at kahit na nasa malayo ka.. Hindi ko man nasasabi sa’yo noon pero I am very proud having you in my life..
For so many years, I didn’t expect that we would just end this way.. Alam kong galit ka sa ‘kin sa ginawa ko pero I only care about you and your family.. I pray na sana maging maayos na lahat especially that you will have a new baby soon..
I am really SORRY.. At nami-miss ko na ang bestfriend ko..
Kahit na kinalimutan mo na ‘ko, kung maiisipan mo na lumingon, nandito pa din ako.. You are always welcome..
Alam ko na ang sama-sama ng ugali ko.. Alam ko hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan sa’yo.. Pero alam ko, alam ng mga kaibigan natin at ng family ko that you’ve tried to be a best friend to me.. Lagi kang nandiyan para damayan ako sa kahit anong paraan at kahit na nasa malayo ka.. Hindi ko man nasasabi sa’yo noon pero I am very proud having you in my life..
For so many years, I didn’t expect that we would just end this way.. Alam kong galit ka sa ‘kin sa ginawa ko pero I only care about you and your family.. I pray na sana maging maayos na lahat especially that you will have a new baby soon..
I am really SORRY.. At nami-miss ko na ang bestfriend ko..
Kahit na kinalimutan mo na ‘ko, kung maiisipan mo na lumingon, nandito pa din ako.. You are always welcome..
December 13, 2008
December 6, 2008
ALONE
Walang pasok kaya mag-isa ko lang dito sa bahay ngayon.. Nakakatoyo.. hehe: )
Wala kasing makausap.. Naglalaro lang ako sa laptop ko o nanonood ng dvd..
Ayoko naman kasi lumabas.. Ayokong makakita ng ibang tao.. Ng mga magjojowa.. Lalo ko lang nararamdaman ‘yung emptiness sa buhay ko..
Naiisip ko lang si Betty.. Naiinggit ako sa kanya.. Buti pa siya.. In spite of the pambabalahura ng lipunan sa kung ano siya, nagawa pa din siyang mahalin ni Sir Armando..
Naiisip ko tuloy si Chris.. Sabi ko sa sarili ko nung bago ako pumuntang Batangas noon, magiging masaya na ‘ko sa sandaling panahon na makakasama ko siya.. Pero hindi pala.. I want more.. I want him forever.. Dahil iba ‘yung pakiramdam na nandiyan siya.. Iba ‘yung saya.. Masaya..
Kaya lang kahit na sabihin ko na mahal na mahal ko siya, useless na.. Wala na akong space sa buhay niya..
‘Eto ako, nandun siya.. Magkaiba kami ng mundo.. Hindi ako bagay sa mundo niya..
Ano ba ang kailangan kong gawin para hindi ko na siya maisip? Papa-confine na ba ‘ko sa Mandaluyong?
Ganito pala ang buhay kapag tumatanda na.. Mas mahirap.. Mas masakit.. Lalo mong mararamdaman ang mga bagay na wala namang kasiguraduhan at imposibleng mangyari..
Buti pa ang mga estudyante ko.. Kahit umiyak sila kapag nadadapa at nasusugatan, okay lang.. Ako, hindi pwedeng umiyak, hindi naman maiintindihan ng mundo ‘yung sugat, dito, sa puso ko..
Bigyan ko lang sila ng chocolate masayang-masaya na.. Ako, kahit na isang track na chocolate ang ibigay sa ‘kin, hindi ako magiging masaya, dahil walang Chris sa buhay ko..
Iiyak na lang ako ng iiyak.. We’re back to being strangers..
In this world with too many billion people, nag-iisa lang siya dito sa puso ko..
Wala kasing makausap.. Naglalaro lang ako sa laptop ko o nanonood ng dvd..
Ayoko naman kasi lumabas.. Ayokong makakita ng ibang tao.. Ng mga magjojowa.. Lalo ko lang nararamdaman ‘yung emptiness sa buhay ko..
Naiisip ko lang si Betty.. Naiinggit ako sa kanya.. Buti pa siya.. In spite of the pambabalahura ng lipunan sa kung ano siya, nagawa pa din siyang mahalin ni Sir Armando..
Naiisip ko tuloy si Chris.. Sabi ko sa sarili ko nung bago ako pumuntang Batangas noon, magiging masaya na ‘ko sa sandaling panahon na makakasama ko siya.. Pero hindi pala.. I want more.. I want him forever.. Dahil iba ‘yung pakiramdam na nandiyan siya.. Iba ‘yung saya.. Masaya..
Kaya lang kahit na sabihin ko na mahal na mahal ko siya, useless na.. Wala na akong space sa buhay niya..
‘Eto ako, nandun siya.. Magkaiba kami ng mundo.. Hindi ako bagay sa mundo niya..
Ano ba ang kailangan kong gawin para hindi ko na siya maisip? Papa-confine na ba ‘ko sa Mandaluyong?
Ganito pala ang buhay kapag tumatanda na.. Mas mahirap.. Mas masakit.. Lalo mong mararamdaman ang mga bagay na wala namang kasiguraduhan at imposibleng mangyari..
Buti pa ang mga estudyante ko.. Kahit umiyak sila kapag nadadapa at nasusugatan, okay lang.. Ako, hindi pwedeng umiyak, hindi naman maiintindihan ng mundo ‘yung sugat, dito, sa puso ko..
Bigyan ko lang sila ng chocolate masayang-masaya na.. Ako, kahit na isang track na chocolate ang ibigay sa ‘kin, hindi ako magiging masaya, dahil walang Chris sa buhay ko..
Iiyak na lang ako ng iiyak.. We’re back to being strangers..
In this world with too many billion people, nag-iisa lang siya dito sa puso ko..
November 23, 2008
STUPID GIRL..
I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!
Buong mundo na ang nagpamukha sa ‘kin non..
Iniyakan ko na, tinawanan ko na, nandiyan pa din.. Kahit anong iwas ko, ‘yung mga pagkakataon naman parang nanadya pa na ipaalala sa ‘kin na OY, MINSAN NANDIYAN KA..
Gusto ko lang naman dumating ‘yung araw na masabi ko sa sarili ko na MALI AKO.. Hindi dapat.. TAMA NA.. Hindi na dapat.. Pero alam niyo kasi kung ano ang masakit, ako pala ‘yung hindi karapat-dapat..
Kaya nga gusto ko ulit mangarap.. Kagaya ng mga batang kasama ko araw-araw.. Gusto kong mangarap ng higit sa apat na sulok na mundo ko sa ACA.. Naisip ko na kahit kontento na ‘ko sa kung ano ako ngayon, hindi pwedeng hanggang dito na lang ako..
Buong mundo na ang nagpamukha sa ‘kin non..
Iniyakan ko na, tinawanan ko na, nandiyan pa din.. Kahit anong iwas ko, ‘yung mga pagkakataon naman parang nanadya pa na ipaalala sa ‘kin na OY, MINSAN NANDIYAN KA..
Gusto ko lang naman dumating ‘yung araw na masabi ko sa sarili ko na MALI AKO.. Hindi dapat.. TAMA NA.. Hindi na dapat.. Pero alam niyo kasi kung ano ang masakit, ako pala ‘yung hindi karapat-dapat..
Kaya nga gusto ko ulit mangarap.. Kagaya ng mga batang kasama ko araw-araw.. Gusto kong mangarap ng higit sa apat na sulok na mundo ko sa ACA.. Naisip ko na kahit kontento na ‘ko sa kung ano ako ngayon, hindi pwedeng hanggang dito na lang ako..
November 14, 2008
ANO BA TALAGA?
Someone asked me if I am ready to open my heart again. I made a joke “I’m always ready”.. But deep inside me there was “Am I?”..
We talked last October. Sabi ko gusto ko lang na maayos kaming maghiwalay. He asked me if that was what I really wanted to happen. I said it’s up to him. Then, I asked him if he still loves me, he said even if he would say yes, it’s not going to work.
I wished he just said NO, I don’t love you anymore or I have never loved you at all. Than made me feel he still does but I am not deserving of it. It’s too painful for me to talk about this but I know it won’t help to just suppress all the feelings that make me weak each day. We are just human. We have emotions. So it is okay to be hurt and cry. Our tears do not mean we are hopeless. In a way, my friend is right, that is the only way I could love myself at this point.
Regrets? A little. Those times I failed to say how much he means to me. And that was it. Just like everybody else who experienced or is experiencing this kind of emotional crisis, I have to step on acceptance level and look forward. Hindi na ‘ko umaasa na magkikita pa kami. O ‘yung sinabi niya na sa March na lang kami mag-usap pag-uwi niya. I am done. It’s a disservice to myself to hope that we still have the chance. Even I’ve tried; I can’t be a better girl for him.
Those who read this, if ever you see me, just smile at me. This is a turning point in my life I mostly needed other people’s glow. Don’t worry, in time, I will be healed. I will be ready to open my door again.
We talked last October. Sabi ko gusto ko lang na maayos kaming maghiwalay. He asked me if that was what I really wanted to happen. I said it’s up to him. Then, I asked him if he still loves me, he said even if he would say yes, it’s not going to work.
I wished he just said NO, I don’t love you anymore or I have never loved you at all. Than made me feel he still does but I am not deserving of it. It’s too painful for me to talk about this but I know it won’t help to just suppress all the feelings that make me weak each day. We are just human. We have emotions. So it is okay to be hurt and cry. Our tears do not mean we are hopeless. In a way, my friend is right, that is the only way I could love myself at this point.
Regrets? A little. Those times I failed to say how much he means to me. And that was it. Just like everybody else who experienced or is experiencing this kind of emotional crisis, I have to step on acceptance level and look forward. Hindi na ‘ko umaasa na magkikita pa kami. O ‘yung sinabi niya na sa March na lang kami mag-usap pag-uwi niya. I am done. It’s a disservice to myself to hope that we still have the chance. Even I’ve tried; I can’t be a better girl for him.
Those who read this, if ever you see me, just smile at me. This is a turning point in my life I mostly needed other people’s glow. Don’t worry, in time, I will be healed. I will be ready to open my door again.
November 7, 2008
ALONE.. ALONE.. ALONE..
Accidentally someone read that while I was writing it in my private notebook..
The whole week was a battle of who are true and just pretending they are to me.. Ako na lang ang nagibigay ng SPACE sa sarili ko..
NOBODY IS PERFECT.. gasgas na gasgas na in my daily struggle to the world.. It is really true that we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try.. Nakakapagod din namang maging MISS FRIENDSHIP..
Sanay naman akong mag-isa.. I hate being with the people I couldn’t stand.. Hindi ko ugaling makipag-plastikan sa mga taong naturingan ngang mga propesyunal pero behind your back sabi nga ng isang kasama, wala kang ganda o buti para sa kanila..
Nakakalungkot talagang isipin na sa edad ko na ‘to, wala na akong matagpuan na tunay na kaibigan.. ‘Yung mga kaibigan ko pa din noon ang mga takbuhan ko.. Sila pa din ang kahit pa’no nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa ‘kin na kahit na dinadaganan na ko ng buong mundo.. Okay lang, lilipas din ‘yon at mapapagod din sila..
The whole week was a battle of who are true and just pretending they are to me.. Ako na lang ang nagibigay ng SPACE sa sarili ko..
NOBODY IS PERFECT.. gasgas na gasgas na in my daily struggle to the world.. It is really true that we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try.. Nakakapagod din namang maging MISS FRIENDSHIP..
Sanay naman akong mag-isa.. I hate being with the people I couldn’t stand.. Hindi ko ugaling makipag-plastikan sa mga taong naturingan ngang mga propesyunal pero behind your back sabi nga ng isang kasama, wala kang ganda o buti para sa kanila..
Nakakalungkot talagang isipin na sa edad ko na ‘to, wala na akong matagpuan na tunay na kaibigan.. ‘Yung mga kaibigan ko pa din noon ang mga takbuhan ko.. Sila pa din ang kahit pa’no nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa ‘kin na kahit na dinadaganan na ko ng buong mundo.. Okay lang, lilipas din ‘yon at mapapagod din sila..
October 28, 2008
SILENCE
I was special mentioned during our Clustered CHUVA earlier today at East Central School. “KABATA-BATA NAKASIMANGOT.. INIWAN KA BA NG BOYFRIEND MO?” GrRrRrRrRrRrR.. I wanted to walk out the hall, it was really embarrassing. The world is very inconsiderate sometimes. But then I realized I don’t have the right to feel negative towards them because they don’t really know what’s going on. And most of all, they won’t mind. It was just a joke to wake up the sleepy souls of my fellow teachers in District I. It didn’t mean anything to offend me or something.
Maybe some can notice the glow less girl in me lately. Those who see me everyday. But they chose to just let me overcome it on my own since they knew me as a brave girl who can survive anything even without some sort of moral support. There is a part of me who wants some comfort from other people. But this is my personal crisis and the only person who can help me is my self. The friends I am asking to be there is enough that they make me laugh to some silly matters about our calling and anything. That’s all.
I also want to share this one unusual thing that happened to me before the training was ended. I told Mam Myra that I envy her for having someone who calls her “Hani” (Honey) and someone she can call “Hoy” (short for Honey also). I don’t usually think about what’s missing in my life. I don’t want to sound bitter. I am happy, yes, happy, that love still works to other people.
I don’t remember when was the last time someone used an endearment name to call me, when was the last time someone said I love you to me. I envy her for having someone who can’t afford lo lose her. And I wonder would there be a time someone will be afraid to lose me, too?
I am contented on how my life goes on. I have a not so perfect family, but just fine to get some strength to go by day by day. I have a fulfilling job with the children of different natures that keep on inspiring me to be better and better. But I am like every normal woman who is wanting to have someone they can share their life with. Someone who can be my sparring-partner, partner-in-crime, buddy, bestfriend.
Well, I just want to express those things that made my day. I am still young. Though my status is already an issue, I still don’t I have to feel desperate like some I knew. 22 is very far to last trip. There will be more choices or collections. I would just enjoy the “sceneries” (and try some if there are chances hehe)
The best thing to do now is wait for my turn.
PANA-PANAHON LANG ‘YAN MGA MARE ‘di ba?
Maybe some can notice the glow less girl in me lately. Those who see me everyday. But they chose to just let me overcome it on my own since they knew me as a brave girl who can survive anything even without some sort of moral support. There is a part of me who wants some comfort from other people. But this is my personal crisis and the only person who can help me is my self. The friends I am asking to be there is enough that they make me laugh to some silly matters about our calling and anything. That’s all.
I also want to share this one unusual thing that happened to me before the training was ended. I told Mam Myra that I envy her for having someone who calls her “Hani” (Honey) and someone she can call “Hoy” (short for Honey also). I don’t usually think about what’s missing in my life. I don’t want to sound bitter. I am happy, yes, happy, that love still works to other people.
I don’t remember when was the last time someone used an endearment name to call me, when was the last time someone said I love you to me. I envy her for having someone who can’t afford lo lose her. And I wonder would there be a time someone will be afraid to lose me, too?
I am contented on how my life goes on. I have a not so perfect family, but just fine to get some strength to go by day by day. I have a fulfilling job with the children of different natures that keep on inspiring me to be better and better. But I am like every normal woman who is wanting to have someone they can share their life with. Someone who can be my sparring-partner, partner-in-crime, buddy, bestfriend.
Well, I just want to express those things that made my day. I am still young. Though my status is already an issue, I still don’t I have to feel desperate like some I knew. 22 is very far to last trip. There will be more choices or collections. I would just enjoy the “sceneries” (and try some if there are chances hehe)
The best thing to do now is wait for my turn.
PANA-PANAHON LANG ‘YAN MGA MARE ‘di ba?
October 11, 2008
GOOD GIRL
bahay-school..
school-bahay..
some of my friends say when they see me "BUHAY KA PA PALA"
for the last 6 months, ang dami kong ginive up.. or i set aside some things i used to give importance..
hindi madali.. pero now i could say na somehow may maturity na akong nakikita or nararamdaman sa sarili ko..
sa halip na uminom, maglakwatsa, i chose the stupid reports in school to be my companion all the time.. mahirap mag-isa, pero mainam na sanay na 'ko.. hindi naman kasi sa lahat ng panahon, nandiyan ang mga tao na tinatawag nating kaibigan..
madaming bagay ang nagpalungkot sa 'kin lately, pinilit kong kayanin lahat ng mag-isa.. though there is still sadness or emptiness, kayang-kaya ko namang i-handle..
masaya ako.. alam ko na bawat araw may katuturan ang mga effort ko.. kasi may trabaho ako.. may mga bata na nangangailangan sa 'kin.. and it's enough for me to stay this way..
tama si ivy, i should celebrate, at last single na naman.. my stand is clearer.. and i am now back to reality..
school-bahay..
some of my friends say when they see me "BUHAY KA PA PALA"
for the last 6 months, ang dami kong ginive up.. or i set aside some things i used to give importance..
hindi madali.. pero now i could say na somehow may maturity na akong nakikita or nararamdaman sa sarili ko..
sa halip na uminom, maglakwatsa, i chose the stupid reports in school to be my companion all the time.. mahirap mag-isa, pero mainam na sanay na 'ko.. hindi naman kasi sa lahat ng panahon, nandiyan ang mga tao na tinatawag nating kaibigan..
madaming bagay ang nagpalungkot sa 'kin lately, pinilit kong kayanin lahat ng mag-isa.. though there is still sadness or emptiness, kayang-kaya ko namang i-handle..
masaya ako.. alam ko na bawat araw may katuturan ang mga effort ko.. kasi may trabaho ako.. may mga bata na nangangailangan sa 'kin.. and it's enough for me to stay this way..
tama si ivy, i should celebrate, at last single na naman.. my stand is clearer.. and i am now back to reality..
September 26, 2008
MY DAY
the loses i had recently were really depressing but i tried to surpass them all by focusing on my responsibilities.. my heart maybe broken but my life is not empty..
looking back at the last five years of my life, i could say that god has blessed me so much..
-my family, though they are not perfect, i am proud and very thankful that i have them.. i am not a perfect daughter.. i've had some share of kabugakan sa buhay.. but i did my best to make them proud of me too.. at the end of each day, there is a home that comforts me through all of my struggles.. i am not afraid to lose, to fail, to be hurt because i have them who truly love me as me.. ano pa man ang mga pagkakamali ko o pagkukulang ko, alam ko na nandiyan pa din sila..
-my job, after a long struggle, i finally accepted my fate on this field.. hindi ko talaga ginustong maging teacher pero dito ko nakita 'yung sarili ko.. i am a fulfilled individual because of the kids who touch my life.. ang daming tao na hindi man direct na sinasabi sa 'kin, but they make me feel na mahalaga 'ko.. at alam ko na may halaga ako sa mundo dahil mahal ko ang trabaho ko..
-then the friends i've known.. the boyfriends i've had.. hindi ko naman idedeny na masakit ang loob ko ngayon kasi sobrang unfair ng mga nagyari.. iniisip ko na lang na siguro ganun talaga ang mga tao.. sobrang unfair.. well, people come and go.. that is the best realization everybody has to learn.. and that change is a good thing because we need it to grow..
i know god has perfect plan to my life.. so i am not wishing for a husband.. hehe:) if someone is designed to come, that is in his time.. but if i am destined to be single for the rest of my days on earth, so be it..
i am also not wishing for material things.. money.. position.. power..
there is one wish i have i my mind for the last five months.. find regie.. and get him to my custody.. but all i could do for this wish is pray..
and lastly i just want to depend myself to those who claimed they know me but know nothing about me.. i knew there are people who dislike me and even hate me.. because i usually choose to breathe in my own world.. my silence doesn't mean i am against anybody.. i am silent because that's me.. instead of hating me, why not try to be friends with me, who knows, nobody knows, we'll be the best..
hindi ko alam ano bang sense ng mga 'to.. i wanted to make something na pwedeng maging tribute sa lahat pero hindi ko alam pa'no gagawin..
maraming salamat sa mga taong nakakakita sa 'kin.. i mean, 'yung nakikita ang sense ng existence ko.. lahat ng bagay about me is very ordinary but i am very contented.. and i guess that's the important thing i could share.. be happy for what you have and for who you are.. love yourself.. and don't give up..
looking back at the last five years of my life, i could say that god has blessed me so much..
-my family, though they are not perfect, i am proud and very thankful that i have them.. i am not a perfect daughter.. i've had some share of kabugakan sa buhay.. but i did my best to make them proud of me too.. at the end of each day, there is a home that comforts me through all of my struggles.. i am not afraid to lose, to fail, to be hurt because i have them who truly love me as me.. ano pa man ang mga pagkakamali ko o pagkukulang ko, alam ko na nandiyan pa din sila..
-my job, after a long struggle, i finally accepted my fate on this field.. hindi ko talaga ginustong maging teacher pero dito ko nakita 'yung sarili ko.. i am a fulfilled individual because of the kids who touch my life.. ang daming tao na hindi man direct na sinasabi sa 'kin, but they make me feel na mahalaga 'ko.. at alam ko na may halaga ako sa mundo dahil mahal ko ang trabaho ko..
-then the friends i've known.. the boyfriends i've had.. hindi ko naman idedeny na masakit ang loob ko ngayon kasi sobrang unfair ng mga nagyari.. iniisip ko na lang na siguro ganun talaga ang mga tao.. sobrang unfair.. well, people come and go.. that is the best realization everybody has to learn.. and that change is a good thing because we need it to grow..
i know god has perfect plan to my life.. so i am not wishing for a husband.. hehe:) if someone is designed to come, that is in his time.. but if i am destined to be single for the rest of my days on earth, so be it..
i am also not wishing for material things.. money.. position.. power..
there is one wish i have i my mind for the last five months.. find regie.. and get him to my custody.. but all i could do for this wish is pray..
and lastly i just want to depend myself to those who claimed they know me but know nothing about me.. i knew there are people who dislike me and even hate me.. because i usually choose to breathe in my own world.. my silence doesn't mean i am against anybody.. i am silent because that's me.. instead of hating me, why not try to be friends with me, who knows, nobody knows, we'll be the best..
hindi ko alam ano bang sense ng mga 'to.. i wanted to make something na pwedeng maging tribute sa lahat pero hindi ko alam pa'no gagawin..
maraming salamat sa mga taong nakakakita sa 'kin.. i mean, 'yung nakikita ang sense ng existence ko.. lahat ng bagay about me is very ordinary but i am very contented.. and i guess that's the important thing i could share.. be happy for what you have and for who you are.. love yourself.. and don't give up..
September 7, 2008
September 6, 2008
September 4, 2008
BE THERE
tahimik ko lang tinanggap ano man ang kinahinatnan naming dalawa.. 'pag tinatanung nila 'ko okay lagi ang sagot ko pero deep inside me alam kong wala na kaming pag-asa..
tama na sa 'kin 'yung naranasan kong maging iba kahit sandali lang..
at least wala akong pagsisisihan na hindi man lang ako naging matapang kahit minsan..
hindi naman ako takot.. ang dami namang teacher na matatanda na pero single pa din..
talagang ganun.. kahit gustuhin natin na panghabangbuhay sa kamay natin ang isang bagay, hindi pwede..
tama na sa 'kin 'yung naranasan kong maging iba kahit sandali lang..
at least wala akong pagsisisihan na hindi man lang ako naging matapang kahit minsan..
hindi naman ako takot.. ang dami namang teacher na matatanda na pero single pa din..
talagang ganun.. kahit gustuhin natin na panghabangbuhay sa kamay natin ang isang bagay, hindi pwede..
September 1, 2008
August 28, 2008
HINDI IIYAK ANG MUNDO..
Naiinis ako dahil alam ko wala namang makakasalat sa kung ano mang damdamin ang meron ako ngayon..
Gusto ko sana pumunta ng simbahan kanina pero hindi ko na lang itinuloy dahil masamang-masama ang loob ko..
Ayokong lumayo kung nasan man ako ngayon dahil ‘yun na lang ang natitira sa ‘kin.. Sa bawat sulok ng kwartong ‘yon, nandun ang lahat.. Nandun ang mga batang punung-puno ng buhay, punung-puno ng pangarap, punung-puno ng pag-asa..
Pero hindi ko hawak ang pagkakataon.. At ayoko na ding ilaban ‘yung katwiran ko.. Kahit ga’no kasakit para sa ‘kin na bitawan ang lahat-lahat, wala na ‘kong magagawa..
Teacher ako.. ‘Yun na lang ang kaya kong ipagmalaki sa sarili ko.. Kahit na hindi ako magaling.. Kahit na madami din akong pagkukulang..
Ang hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan sa lahat ay ‘yung mga tunay na kaibigan na hindi natakot ilapit ang sarili nila sa ‘kin sa kabila ng paglayo ko sa kanila..
Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat.. Salamat sa pagmamahal.. Salamat sa pagbibigay niyo sa ‘kin ng matinong direksiyon..
Kaya ‘ko ‘to;(
Gusto ko sana pumunta ng simbahan kanina pero hindi ko na lang itinuloy dahil masamang-masama ang loob ko..
Ayokong lumayo kung nasan man ako ngayon dahil ‘yun na lang ang natitira sa ‘kin.. Sa bawat sulok ng kwartong ‘yon, nandun ang lahat.. Nandun ang mga batang punung-puno ng buhay, punung-puno ng pangarap, punung-puno ng pag-asa..
Pero hindi ko hawak ang pagkakataon.. At ayoko na ding ilaban ‘yung katwiran ko.. Kahit ga’no kasakit para sa ‘kin na bitawan ang lahat-lahat, wala na ‘kong magagawa..
Teacher ako.. ‘Yun na lang ang kaya kong ipagmalaki sa sarili ko.. Kahit na hindi ako magaling.. Kahit na madami din akong pagkukulang..
Ang hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan sa lahat ay ‘yung mga tunay na kaibigan na hindi natakot ilapit ang sarili nila sa ‘kin sa kabila ng paglayo ko sa kanila..
Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat.. Salamat sa pagmamahal.. Salamat sa pagbibigay niyo sa ‘kin ng matinong direksiyon..
Kaya ‘ko ‘to;(
August 27, 2008
PANA-PANAHON ANG PAGKAKATAON..
Mam Lisa’s last day.. I treated her a bacon mushroom tops hotdog, tuna pie, fries and most of all, a big size softdrinks.. A simple moment but it means parting time..
We are very different in many aspects and yet we get along so well. I can’t recall even a single moment we argued, had misunderstanding or any unwanted situation we could dislike or hate each other.. She is sort of a “madre” type na madaling pakisamahan at nakakakonsensiyang pagalitin..
Ayokong malungkot.. I know things happen for a reason. We have to go through varied turns to grow..
Ang pwede ko na lang na isipin sa ngayon ay ang madaming pagkakataon na magkasama naming hinarap.. Magkasama kami sa kasablayan, sa tagumpay, sa wala, sa meron, sa lungkot, sa saya, sa lahat ng problema..
At ‘yun na nga lang yata ang matitira.. Ang mga ala-ala..
We are very different in many aspects and yet we get along so well. I can’t recall even a single moment we argued, had misunderstanding or any unwanted situation we could dislike or hate each other.. She is sort of a “madre” type na madaling pakisamahan at nakakakonsensiyang pagalitin..
Ayokong malungkot.. I know things happen for a reason. We have to go through varied turns to grow..
Ang pwede ko na lang na isipin sa ngayon ay ang madaming pagkakataon na magkasama naming hinarap.. Magkasama kami sa kasablayan, sa tagumpay, sa wala, sa meron, sa lungkot, sa saya, sa lahat ng problema..
At ‘yun na nga lang yata ang matitira.. Ang mga ala-ala..
August 23, 2008
DISAPPOINTED
hindi 'yan ang asawa niya.. matanda naman na siya.. kung masaya siya, kaya ko namang manahimik kay ate febean..
July 28, 2008
July 25, 2008
July 3, 2008
July 1, 2008
When God closes a door, he opens a window..
It is ironic.. The man who once neglected me is boosting my spirit to go on at this point someone closed his door to me.. San ka pa, he is proposing.. My god! Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko nung una.. Pero siguro we really have that connection na kahit anu mang gusot na nangyari noon, we are still comfortable with each other..
Noon, halos gumuho na ang mundo ko dahil sa kanya pero ngayon he is the reason bakit nagagawa ko pa ding tumawa in spite of the heart-breaking turn.. You know why? Because he made me feel na I’ve been a part of his life at may space pa din ako.. I’m still worthy..
He is still the man I knew.. The tall, dark and army and the one who broke my heart.. hehe.. But I’ve learned.. I’ve grown.. I’ve outgrown those days I was so damn inlove with him.. Tapos na ang mga araw ng pagkagawa ng mga “wild” na bagay..
If I will let him in again, bilang isang kaibigan na lang.. I won’t deny na iba ‘yung pakiramdam ko ngayon. Masaya ako na parang nakatagpo na naman ako ng sparring-partner, partner-in-crime, buddy, bestfriend..
Noon, halos gumuho na ang mundo ko dahil sa kanya pero ngayon he is the reason bakit nagagawa ko pa ding tumawa in spite of the heart-breaking turn.. You know why? Because he made me feel na I’ve been a part of his life at may space pa din ako.. I’m still worthy..
He is still the man I knew.. The tall, dark and army and the one who broke my heart.. hehe.. But I’ve learned.. I’ve grown.. I’ve outgrown those days I was so damn inlove with him.. Tapos na ang mga araw ng pagkagawa ng mga “wild” na bagay..
If I will let him in again, bilang isang kaibigan na lang.. I won’t deny na iba ‘yung pakiramdam ko ngayon. Masaya ako na parang nakatagpo na naman ako ng sparring-partner, partner-in-crime, buddy, bestfriend..
June 19, 2008
Starting Point
Bilang isang teacher hindi mo pwedeng i-expect na magkakatulad ang mga bata. Iba-iba sila ng nature. Iba-ibang environment ang nagpalaki sa kanila. Madaming factors na kailangang i-consider. Kung ayaw sumunod ng bata, kailangan madiskartehan mo ‘yon. It’s just a matter of MOTIVATION. Hindi mo din ma-eexpect na magagaling na agad-agad ang mga estudyante mo sa isang turo mo pa lang. Ang mga bata hindi ‘yan basta-basta nagbu-bloom. It’s a long long process. LEARNING TAKES TIME. Kung magagaling na agad ang mga bata, ANU PANG SILBI MO BILANG ISANG TEACHER? At isa pa, hindi mo madadaan sa halimawan ang mga bata. I mean, hindi puro pananakot, corporal punishment. Lalo lang silang magwa-wild. Reverse lang. Matutunan din nila na i-open ‘yung sarili nila and be close to you. Children need love than harassment emotionally and physically.
I remember one of my profs in Wesleyan said that there are two things you can do to your pupils/students, make or break them. Hindi mo kailangang maging magaling na magaling na teacher, you just need to have a heart to build the children and make a difference in their lives.
I remember one of my profs in Wesleyan said that there are two things you can do to your pupils/students, make or break them. Hindi mo kailangang maging magaling na magaling na teacher, you just need to have a heart to build the children and make a difference in their lives.
Sabi nga ni Bob Ong "Kung gusto mong maging teacher pilitin mong maging teacher na hindi makakalimutan ng mga estudyante mo"
June 9, 2008
June 5, 2008
Mam Lisa, Me:) & my pupil-bestfriend MELISA
"the beauty that you can always depend on, the beauty of FRIENDSHIP" -MR. BEAN
May 18, 2008
OPTION
BRIGADA ESKWELA tom, need to report in ACA and enrol CONS. ELEC. at PMTC. Tuesday, maybe, still indefinite, I’ll go in MANILA..need to relax and reflect and make plan B, C to Z.
The only thing I am sure permanent about me is my status as DepEd employee. Though teaching is really not my dream, I am thankful I am here, sharing my life with children.
Right now, my attention is on my bahay-BAHAYAN. By July, SANA, I will be able to get the lot at Tal. Next Year, or after my responsibility in A.L., I’ll start the construction, it’s good we’ll have huge increase in our sal. by then.
I just want to have something I could run when I want to be away from the world. And live free even for a while.
I want to enjoy again the things I’ve been missing since my fam moved here in Cab. The tree, they remind me that some things never go, they just grow.
The birds, they make me realize that some things will be better if we let them go.
Gusto kong sabay na gawin ang manood ng mga stars at pagmasdan ang mga lupang hindi matanaw. I want to make myself believe there is still something good about this life. Kahit simple lang ang lahat. Kahit mag-isa ko lang.
February 1, 2008
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