RESOLVED?

after a week of silence, i decided to blow the bomb inside me..
the only way i see to make myself at peace, once and for all, is to be honest with him..
i told him i got offended when i opened his account and read his chat with his cousin:  
>WALA YATA SIYANG SAPI NGAYON..  
>I DON'T LIKE HER...
>HINDI KO GUSTO ANG PAGSAGOT NIYA..  
>HALATANG HINDI PA MATURE... 
>TEACHER SIYA, DAPAT LAWAKAN NIYA ANG PANG-UNAWA NIYA..

even she said she is not comparing me to jonathan's X, the impact struck the same.. what pressed me so hard about this was his reply, PASENSIYA NA, BATA PA KASI SIYA.. sana sinabi na lang niya na-- GANO'N SIYA TALAGA, HINDI NICE...

for a while, i felt i was crushed and distorted... and ayie is out of reach at this time... i have no one to run... he is the only one i knew who see me better... i clung to that lasing-lasing mode because i felt i don't deserve to be considered as if i will not do or say anything right dahil isa lang akong bata..
alam kong hindi ako lovable, sabi nga ni ayie, mahirap akong mahalin.. but it doesn't mean wala na 'kong gagawing tama o mabuti... feeling ko wala na silang titignan kundi ang mga mali at pagkukulang ko...

i dared him to let me go.. but he didn't let us to end just like that... and i don't know if i would thank him for holding on tighter through my imperfections... i put down my pride so we can settle "my" problem to him.. maybe, i was wrong at some things i've said to ate susan and i am sorry...

i am aware there are still things i need to outgrow.. i am trying to keep myself bearable, in some way, but please understand, kahit teacher ako, hindi talaga ako perfect... at hindi na 'ko bata, sadyang ganito lang talaga 'ko... dahil ito ako...