It turned out heavier to bear when the realization hanged painfully on my head that I had to deal with the frustration on my own. I used to face my struggles with faith there is someone who would back me up or pick me up whatever may happen to me after. But until now, I am still incapable of getting through the way unarmed of someone’s sympathy and empathy to defend me.
Maybe I am just missing the comfort of being loved for whatever mistakes I have committed. I miss the comfort of being remembered even I have taken the wrong steps at times. I miss the comfort of having no worries about facing whatever circumstances because I knew I would never be alone all the way.
I have been discreet on how it is like embracing a life without the person who made all that privilege possible for me. Through all of my attempts, I never succeeded to ease the misery of having to lose my bestfriend.
Even if it seems impossible to make it, each day is a battle of trying my hardest to hit at least a spot inside me to be a little okay. Since the day we took the opposite directions, the biggest portion of my courage has gone unable to work. I get easily down and it takes time for me to be able to get up. My spirit remains in low mode that’s why I couldn’t get myself overcome anything that easy or that soon when something shakes me.
If you would ask me why I am letting this to happen to me, because it’s the price for choosing what’s best for all. I have no plans of reviving what we had before. I would rather stay this way than regret the choices I have made. It is enough for me to think that whatever reason behind my sacrifice will always be worth it.
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