IBANG-IBA NA BA ‘KO?

Tanong ko sa isang kaibigan.. Sabi kasi niya, akala ko puro work na lang palagi ang inaatupag mo.. Sabi nga niya, "alam kong malungkot ka"..

Honestly, a lot of things make me feel bad.. Pero 42 na bata ang responsibilidad kong turuan araw-araw.. Kaya lagi ko na lang iniisip ‘yung sa FISH PHILOSOPHY in one of the trainings I attended during my Jollibee days, CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE.. My spirit is always in low mode but I have to give my hardest to keep my focus intact.. Pwede akong hindi magpapasok at daanin sa inom ang lahat pero ayoko silang pabayaan.. Sila na lang ang nagbibigay ng direksiyon sa ‘kin.. Kaya ibinubuhos ko na lang sa trabaho KUNG ANO MAN ANG NANDITO SA LOOB KO..

I made my decision just this day.. the last day of filing for NPC app.. I spent the whole day crying silently for letting this chance of going after my dream just passed by..

Alam kong magiging mahirap ‘to para sa ‘kin.. Pero wala naman akong magawa.. I can only blog the weakness I am going through..

I won’t forget this day.. I will always remember those days I am lost but certain about where I wanted to be.. Even at this weakest moment, I am still keeping my faith that I would make it someday.. Hinding-hindi ko isusuko ‘yung pangarap ko hanggang alam kong may pagkakataon pa ‘kong lumaban.. Kailangan ko lang munang itabi ang lahat sa ngayon..

BLOOMING DAW.. ngekkkk..

 

  

 

CASE DISMISSED: )

After all our efforts and sacrifices, we cannot WIN everyone... But as long as you STAND COMPLETELY for what is RIGHT and JUST, NO ONE can ever PUT YOU DOWN..

Ngayon ko nga sana gustong pumunta sa Olivas para sa app ko sa Napolcom.. Pero hindi ako tumuloy.. pumasok pa din ako.. dahil kailangan.. Kailangan kong harapin ang mundo.. Kailangan kong ipaglaban ang mga paniniwala ko..

Bongga nga sa depensa.. Nakakuha ako ng mga abogado.. haha: ) Ang mga estudyante ko.. Kahit ang mga bata ay kayang MAGSALITA para sa KATOTOHANAN.. May future na sila sa KORTE.. may OJT na kanina.. hehe: ) Hindi ba masyadong nakakahiya na mga grade one lang pala ang ka-level ng magulang na nagreklamo sa ‘kin?

Ilang araw na din kasi akong walang matinong tulog kaya hirap na hirap din akong kontrolin 'yung sarili ko.. PIKON NA PIKON NA TALAGA 'KO.. Pero, PAUSE lang.. PAUSE!!! Akala siguro niya masisindak niya ‘ko.. Kahit saan kami makarating, hindi ako matatakot.. Siguraduhin lang niya na kaya niyang panindigan lahat.. Dahil kaya kong ibalik sa kanila lahat ng reklamo niya.. Nagkamali siya ng BINANGGA.. Wala naman akong ipinagmamalaking koneksiyon.. Simpleng mamamayan lang din ako.. Kilala ko lang ang sarili ko.. LALABAN AT LALABAN ako, ALAM KO kung pa’no ko itatayo ang sarili ko sa lahat ng pagkakataon.. basta alam kong TAMA ako..

Nasa huli talaga ang sisihan.. Ang totoo, hindi lang naman matanggap nung nagreklamo sa ‘kin na hindi papasa sa ‘kin ‘yung anak niya.. Kaya lahat ng kwento, kasinungalingan, ginawa.. mapasama lang ako.. Salamat sa kanya.. Ipinakita niya sa madaming tao na nagmamalasakit pa din kami sa kabila ng pagiging kawawa namin sa LIPUNANG ito.. Sa FORM-I ko pa lang, supalpal na siya.. Attendance ‘yon ng mga bata.. Hindi kako pwedeng PAPASUKAN LANG KAMI KUNG KAILAN LANG KAMI GUSTONG PASUKAN.. Binitbit din nila Nathaniel ‘yung basket ko ng mga output nila, WALANG FOLDER ang anak niya.. Ibig sabihin, walang ginagawa ang anak niya.. ‘Pag may mga activities kami, nakatitig lang sa ‘kin o kaya binibwisit ang mga kaklase.. BAWAL ang CORPORAL PUNISHMENT ‘di ba? Anong ginagawa ko? Hindi ko pinag-rerecess.. Ang RECESS kako ay para lang sa mga NAGHIHIRAP mag-aral.. Kung gusto mong mag-recess, MAG-ARAL ka!!! Tapos walang assignments, quizzes, recitation, E ANONG IMAMARKA KO SA ANAK NIYA? Lalo na sa BEHAVIOR, laglag na laglag na.. Hindi ko intensiyong ipahiya ‘yung Nanay ng bata, pero ANG KATOTOHAN ay HINDI NAGSISINUNGALING.. Nagtitiyaga ako at nagpapasensiya buong taon, pero may HANGGANAN ang LAHAT.. Wala sa ‘kin ang problema, NASA ANAK NIYA at SA KANILANG MGA MAGULANG..

Tatlong bagay lang naman ang gusto kong ituro sa mga bata bilang estudyante: 1) DISIPLINA 2) PAGKUKUSA at 3) PAGSISIKAP.. Kung mayroon niyan ang isang bata, kahit hindi pukpukin ng teacher, siya na mismo ang kikilos sa sarili niya para matuto..
May mga ini-impose akong rules na parang napaka-imposible.. Pakiramdam ng iba pinarurusahan ko ang mga bata.. Pero bilang isang teacher, isa sa mga makakapagpatibay ng pagiging effective mo, "MEAN WHAT YOU SAY".. ‘Wag kang magsasalita ng hindi mo kayang gawin.. Dahil kakayan-kayanan ka lang ng mga tinuturuan mo, pati ng mga magulang..

Isa lang naman ang gusto kong patunayan sa araw na ‘to: HINDI LAHAT AY DAPAT ISISI SA TEACHER.. Hindi makatarungang isisi sa ‘min ang kakulangan at kapabayaan ng ibang tao bilang mga magulang.. May tungkulin din ang mga magulang sa mga anak nila.. Tungkulin ng mga magulang na sumubaybay at umalalay.. ‘Yung PINAKA na nga lang sa lahat na kailangan nilang gawin, PAPASUKIN ANG ANAK NILA ARAW-ARAW.. Oo, mahirap ang buhay, PERO sino bang PILIPINO ang hindi nakakadanas ng hirap bukod sa mga MAYAYAMAN? May bagay bang madali? Walang bagay na hindi natin makakaya kung PAGSISIKAPAN nating MAABOT.. Maraming magulang na pilit irinaraos ang mga anak nila, bakit sila, hindi nila kayanin? Sa public naman, PRESENSIYA lang ng bata ang importante.. Kung may mga kailangang bayaran, salamat kung may mga batang makakapagbayad, pero kung walang kakayahan talagang makabayad, KAMI NA ANG BAHALANG MAG-ABONO..

Hindi ko kailangan ng simpatya ng ibang tao.. Alam kong hindi ako gano’n kabuting teacher.. Pero wala akong hinangad kundi ang ikakabuti lang ng mga batang dumadaan sa kamay ko.. Dahil kahit anong PAGSISIKAP naming mga teacher, kung ang bata hindi din pumapasok at magsisikap na matuto, wala talagang mangyayari.. May magagawa pa din naman kami, ang ibagsak sila.. at turuan na lang ulit sila sa susunod na taon.. LEARNING TAKES TIME nga kasi.. Siguro kung sampung-taon na sa grade one, ‘pag hindi pa talaga NAGABAGO, EWAN KO NA LANG TALAGA.. wahaha: ) Teach and teach until you succeed..

DIFFERENT

Busy-busyhan lang kasi ng konte.. It doesn't mean I am being indifferent..Kailangan kong gawin 'yon para hindi ko masyadong maramdaman 'yung mga frustrations na pinagdadaanan ko ngayon..
A friend told me that I should refrain from building walls.. that I deserve a break.. I told him, no need to push me, I am not locked in my shell.. I am not isolating myself nor I am not in the dark like what he always thought.. May social life pa naman ako, sometimes in networking, if we are overloaded of reports or I can’t sleep at night, or sometimes I go out with friends, inom-inom ng konte o madame, if I have no work the other day..

I can’t be like before who was not concerned in anything about tomorrow.. Ayoko ng daanin sa pag-inom-inom na lang ang mga drama ko sa buhay.. I am now aware of my responsibilities and what should be prioritized.. I have to work harder this time.. Give my best in what I do.. And though other people’s opinions are not big deal to me, I still need to preserve the dignity of my uniform..
Sounds so unbelievable, isn’t it? ME? MATURE? RESPONSIBLE? SENSIBLE? CONSCIOUS? Ahem.. Why not? All of us have the right to grow.. I did almost a year na din..

Being 23 is different from being 13, 15 or 18.. I must know my priorities for me to survive all the challenges.. I dropped some of the hindrances that make me less effective: the childishness, the problem in my attitude.. Realizations sink in suddenly.. Tantrums are no longer needed.. My difficult moods must be thrown.. Being walang pakialam sa mundo is not me anymore.. I am making pakialam na to a lot of things.. I am involving myself to different activities that may help me develop my self-esteem.. Even I am not as genius as my sister, I realized I am gifted of efforts and patience in training myself of different skills..

Sometimes, I learned that the more we are willing to accept change, the more we can achieve change..

There are days that I still think I am a little dumb, especially when I get frustrated with the kids, but I am trying to move on.. My goal at this point is not to be defeated.. I know there are still things I need to overcome, but for now, it is enough that I am evolving gradually.. with my strong faith that I can make it through.. Maybe, at the right time, in God’s time, you’ll see me in full-blown..

B.I.

 

The beauty of first love, it never dies..

He texted me last night, asking my help.. but I didn’t bother to text him back.. You may wonder what happened to the very entertaining girl they knew..  I decided to junk the character.. to guard myself from the unpredictable moves of the outside world..

I’ve gone too much distress in the past because of him.. It would be best to disable totally all his access in my life for I realized he is no longer a part of my present.. Besides, I never really knew him, even his real name.. I have loved him, in spite of all the uncertainties and lies..  But what we had before was only my envisioned.. and it was ruined.. buried in the past.. thanks to him..

Maybe all I wish to get for letting him come in and out of my life again and again before is to hear him admit that he intended to break my heart, that he never really loved me, and say sorry for everything.. Because I really wish to give my forgiveness for all the damages he had done inside me.. 

When I think of him today, I remember someone who is not likely the ones that I grew up with.. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me.. Someone who could stand seeing me broken.. Someone I wish I never knew.. I hate to come at this point I would say all these.. but it’s the only way I could let go all the anger and frustrations I kept inside me when he made me feel so unworthy..

For Ate, B.I. means Bad Influence, he is a bad influence to me.. For me, his bad intentions inspire me most on where I should stand at everything that comes my way.. All the wrong things he had made me believe guide me through my journey.. That it is still great to live your life being fair and honest with other people and with yourself.. Infairness to him, he is not that bad.. I saved the good things I have seen to him.. but of course, the bad ones, I discarded.. B.I. means Biggest Influence.. on what is the right thing to choose, considering the effects of the worst things he had showed me..

Love is not about the things you think, it’s about what you feel inside your heart.. If you don’t really love a person, at least don’t use them, don’t fool them, let them know, let them go.. Be HONEST.. Respect their feelings.. They must embrace the truth no matter how hard it may seem.. You wouldn’t know how much you can break their hearts if you will try to make them believe of what is not true..

Don’t worry, I already met bunch of his kind.. I learned a lot.. My heart got broken so many times.. But I still believe that there is someone in this world who would show me that love is not that unfair all the time.. I still believe there is goodness in every person.. And even if my heart gets broken everytime, I know there is a God UP there who would help me heal..

For the BEST PAPA in the world..

I am the closest to him among the four of us, Ate Shane, me, April and Muno.. When they, he and mama, fight, hehe: ) I am always on his side.. Many people knew what we had gone through.. Almost all our life, our family was in darkness.. When I was young, I had wished to go somewhere away from them, minsan na ngang nanawagan si Mama sa radyo sa pagkawala ko.. But now that I am a bit older, I don’t want to leave them.. Wala na silang taga-timpla ng kape.. Kasi, in spite of all the imperfections about us, we are still family.. They are still the only persons I am always assured who would think of me and love me, unconditionally.. Most of all, if there is one thing I know constant about me, it’s them, my family..

Siguro tama si Ayie, hindi ko talaga pangarap maging pulis. But it’s so happen that he is my biggest influence.. Most of the things I believe about how I should live my life, I have seen to him.. He has a tough cover, but there is a good heart behind it..

He may not be a perfect father but I will always be proud to say that my greatest achievement in life is being a Papa’s girl..

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA:) 

The ONE you LOVE the MOST is the ONLY PERSON that can HURT you the MOST;(

Deep inside me, I did hope that we still have the chance.. in spite of the twice encounter with the girl who claims that she is your girl, I still can't bring myself to the total acceptance that we are over.. because you keep on making me feel you still care about me.. I asked you, many times, you denied her.. Why can't you tell me the truth? All I need is your confirmation.. I am not afraid to face it if that is the only way I could let you go completely..

I have been depriving myself of the chance to move forward.. I should have put you in my least priority long long time ago even you still matter to me.. I know it's impossible to delete you in my life but at least, I want to be able to live without wanting to be with you and even loving you if I can..

When you love someone, you would risk all the possibilities, whatever may take.. But after all your efforts and sacrifices, and nothing happens, it is not wrong to love yourself more..

Sometimes it's better to leave your heart broken
than try to hurt yourself putting it back together..

I've outgrown a lot of things but my heart never grows old..

i was in my room when i heard the promotion of their concert.. i rushed to the tv for the details.. MANONOOD AKO!!! Sinabi ko agad kay Ate.. Alam naman niyang baliw na baliw ako sa kanila mula nung 8 or 9 pa lang ako..

Minsan lang 'yung mga ganitong pagkakataon kaya ayokong palagpasin.. so what kung hindi na sila sikat.. kung matanda na sila.. e matanda na din naman na 'ko.. Imagine, after 15 years 0r 16, gano'n na gano'n pa din 'yung excitement ko.. Iilan lang ang pangarap ko sa buhay at isa na do'n ang makita sila..

I really love watching them sing and dance.. lalo na 'pag sila na 'yung tumutugtog ng mga instruments.. magiging masayang-masaya talaga ko 'pag nakita ko na sila sa totoong buhay.. kahit na hindi na 'ko magka-lovelife.. basta makita lang sila, magiging masaya na 'ko hanggang pagtanda ko..

hindi ako adik.. magaling naman talaga sila.. hindi din ako palahangang tao.. bihira lang ang tao, hayop, bagay at lugar hehe:) ang nakakakuha ng atensiyon ko.. unang beses ko pa lang silang napanood, bow na talaga ko.. hindi ko ma-explain kung bakit gano'n na lang ang pag-SAMBA ko sa kanila, wahehe:) nakakatawa at nakakakatuwang isipin na AKO PA DIN 'TO.. i am still the girl who would do anything for them.. who would die just to see them..

YOU'RE IN LOVE;(

Sometimes,
even if a woman no longer wants you in her arms,
she wants you in her heart.
-Langston Hughes

I have been counting the days I would see him again.. Something inside me tells me what’s the point, but there is a part of me that persists in doing so.. I should stop loving him knowing that someone else is already filling my space I once had in his life.. If I would pretend that it doesn’t affect me, I will only hurt myself more.. Because the truth is, it does break my heart each day.. I am tough, I guess, I am not that easy to shake, but when it comes to him, I get easily down, I get to the weakest level that I could only sit and cry silently in desperation to stop all the feelings I have for him.. My mind pushes me to move on but my heart fights, it never wanted to let go..

All these years, I have seen different men, better men, best men, but it never even crossed in my head to catch one of them.. Because deep inside me, I knew who I wish to hold.. The man who doesn’t need me anymore, or it is right to say, who doesn’t love me at all..

Only two right people who love each other have the privilege to live a life together forever.. Love is not about one heart that beats for two lives.. It last only a while.. Two right persons should carry a mutual even if not an equal emotion in their hearts to share one journey all the way.. If one heart gets weak, the other heart would still do its part.. If only one heart loves, and it gets tired, whose heart do you think would still keep the ride going?

I have given my part to save us.. I have done my bravest move.. In the end, it’s only me who wanted to fight for it.. It was unfair for both of us to keep on trying to work things out.. Even if he means the whole world to me, I would be happier to see him happy with the one he could love and who could love him more than I do..

Love doesn’t mean you’re sorry.. I am not sorry.. Loving may not always end up like the fairy tales do but it is still best that it happened to me than it never happens even just once in my one and only life..

Maybe, I still love him.. I still hope that somehow, I've got a space in his heart.. But a friend is right WAKE UP! WAKE UP! He's in love, not with you..

Better, let go, let God.. as Stit told me, someday, someone will come who would treat me right and love me back..

Open the door and come in
I'm so glad to see you my friend
Don't know how long it has been
Having those feelings again.

And now I see that you're so happy
And ooh, it just sets me free
And I'd like to see
Us as good of friends
As we used to be

[Chorus:]
Aah, my love, Aah
You're in love
That's the way
It should be
'Cause I want you to be happy
You're in love
And I know
That you're not in love with me
Ooh it's enough
For me to know
That you're in love
Now I'll let you go
'Cause I know
That you're in love

Sometimes it's hard to believe
That you're never coming back to me
I've had this dream that you'd always be by my side
Oh I could have died.

But now I see that you're so happy
And ooh, it just sets me free.
And I'd like to see
Us as good of friends
As we used to be

[Chorus]

I tried to find you but you were so far away
I was praying that fate would bring you back to me
Someday, someday, someday... Ooh, you're in love

Ooh it's enough
For me to know
That you're in love
Now I'll let you go
'Cause I know
That you're in love

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY???

My first year in public, I received a red rose from Jelie Bituin Ingaran. Last year, it was Ervin Jay Pernites who gave me a small heart in stick..

It is a toxic month because of the forms and reports we need to accomplish and my desire to file an app to Olivas next week adds pressure.. I wouldn’t be aware that it is two days away if Maricar Hipolito didn’t bother to give me a present and there was a note “SALAMAT SA MATIYAGANG PAGTUTURO”.. It feels good, knowing that there is someone, even a kid, who recognizes my perseverance to help young people improve their lives.. Unconsciously I looked at the ceiling during recess and stared at the decoration I hanged in the middle.. For 23 years of my life, there is no heart’s day that I have a date.. Always on the pretending side, teasing some friends for sopas stuff to ease the coldness of being loveless during this season..

I am single.. okay ng ganyan ang sabihin ko kaysa BROKEN HEARTED ako.. I am not complaining.. I am just making a statement that it’s always an ordinary day for me.. Maybe, someday, all of the Valentine’s day will be different.. Niyayabangan kasi ako ng isang kaibigan that he is out of the empty list.. Well, I am happy for him.. GO! As I have said to him, SWERTIHAN LANG ‘YAN.. haha: ) PANA-PANAHON..

Why would I long for something, or should I say SOMEONE, if I am still not ready in all aspects to commit myself, again? I don’t want to be unfair to someone if I would enter to a relationship where I cannot give myself fully..I don’t want to compromise myself to a relationship just to avoid the pambabatikos to my status.. masabi lang ba na may lovelife..

It will be alright getting near to the last trip.. After all, I am not NBSZ.. I am just SINGLE, for now.. Maybe, being in a relationship makes life happier.. But at this point, it’s enough that I am just happy.. My mind is focused on my dream and family.. When I am done with all the HAVE TOs I need to fulfill for them, expect to receive an invi to my MILITARY WEDDING:) When that day comes, each VALENTINE’S DAY will be my turn.. No more question marks and justifications.. hehe:)
Wish me the BEST..

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY

I am doing all the sacrifice not just for the dream.. It’s not just about the dream.. It is about me.. It may be hard to understand but at least try to respect what I need to achieve for myself..





I don’t want to spend the rest of my life crying on the floor where I knew it is not really me.. I need to chase the chance to see myself rise and shine on the stage of my choice.. If I won’t succeed to get the brightest light, at least there would be no regrets for taking the risk of getting there.. What will matter most is I would be there because it’s where I wish to be.. And no matter how things will make me or break me, I knew that it’s me..

PAPA

Hindi ko makakalimutan ‘yung araw na ikinulong mo ko sa bahay natin kasi nakagawa ako ng isang bagay na naglagay sa’yo sa alanganin.. pero alam ko na ‘yung pagkakataon na ‘yon ang nagtulak sa’yo to trust me and respect me as a person.. You’ve seen me all these years.. siguro simula nung mga gabing nakikita mo kong nag-uurong ng mga tray sa jollibee na mas mataas pa sa ‘kin.. you’ve witnessed my sacrifices.. and even I don’t talk about what I have inside me, I know, you can feel it.. You can feel the sadness and pain every time my heart gets broken.. every time I get frustrated for losing the chance of reaching my dream..

Sabi ni Ayie, hindi naman talaga ito ‘yung pangarap ko, gusto lang kitang pasayahin.. Siguro malaking bahagi ng dahilan ng pangarap ko ,para mapasaya kayo.. Dahil ‘yun lang ang nakakapagpasaya sa ‘kin.. Dahil hindi nila alam, you’re all I have got all my life.. Na kahit ‘eto lang ako, kahit ganito lang ako, kahit matigas ang ulo ko, kahit na matigas ang loob ko, kahit na anong kasalanan ko, iniisip niyo pa din ako at mahal niyo pa din ako..

Kahit na ayaw mo ng maniwala sa ‘kin, kahit na pinipigilan mo na ‘ko, hindi ako susuko.. Alam kong ayaw mo na lang din kasi akong paulit-ulit na umasa at mabigo.. I still have 7 years.. Siguro sa loob ng mga taong ‘yon at wala talagang nangyari, tatanggapin ko nang wala na talaga akong pag-asa.. Sa ngayon, kailangan kong gawin ang magagawa ko para sa sarili ko.. Kahit hindi ako perfect daughter, you can still be proud of me.. Kailangan kong ipakita sa’yo na even you are not a perfect father, even we don’t have a perfect family, gagawin ko pa rin lahat para sa inyo..
Dadating ang araw na mangyayari din ‘yung gusto kong mangyari.. Hindi ko na hihingin ‘yung mga t-shirts mo, dahil magkakaroon na din ako ng para sa ‘kin talaga.. Hindi mo na ko kailangang ipagtulakan na mag-aral ulit, dahil kusa na ‘kong babalik sa eskwelehan para makapag-lateral entry..

Hayaan niyo akong maglayag sa kung saan ko gustong dalin ang sarili ko.. Wala kayong dapat ipag-alala, hindi ko man maipapangakong hindi ako magkakamali pero ipinapangako kong hindi ako gagawa ng mga bagay na hindi ko kayang tayuan.

Turu-turuan.. TURUAN!

Ano daw ba ang sense ng ginagawa naming report para sa Phil-Iri? Sabi ko, "WASTE OF TIME". Naisip kaya nung promotor non kung ilang bata ang napapabayaan ng mga teacher dahil don? Okay na sana ‘yung dati, hardcopy ng consolidation na lang ang ipinapass.. Wala naman ding nangyayari sa mga IDEAS nila.. dahil kami pa ding mga teacher ang nasa REALIDAD.. Pero sorry sila hindi pa din nila ko mangangarag.. pati nga ‘yung sa last section, ako pa ang gagawa.. siyempre, VOLUNTEER.. mabait naman ‘yung bagong teacher kaya tinutulungan ko.. wala namang masamang mag-CHARITY.. lalo na at masyadong mautak ‘yung isang COOR na may hawak no’n.. No other than my G. L... UMUSOK si Charot at JUDAY kanina haha: ) Kaya full powers kami ngayong mga powerpuff dahil sa kanya.. Kawawa naman kasi ‘yung nasisisi ng walang kamalay-malay sa mga pangyayari.. Sabagay gano’n naman talaga siya.. ALL THE TIME.. masyadong magaling.. Perfect! Hindi niya aaminin kung may mali siya o pagkukulang.. Basta siya alam na alam niya lahat pero inosente.. wahaha: ) Hays.. Hindi uubra sa ‘kin ‘yon.. Kung ako nga daw ‘yon e susugudin ko na.. Hindi dahil sa ayokong magpa-api.. Ayoko lang na kinakawawa ako ng talikuran sa mga bagay na wala naman akong kinalaman.. Mabuti ng harapan, para magkaalaman at malinawan ang mga bagay-bagay.. Well, she’s nice naman to me, kahit pakitang tao minsan.. Gano’n lang naman talaga sa totoong buhay, PLASTIKAN.. Walang totoong taong makikisama sa’yo ‘pag ang pinag-uusapan na ay KAGALINGAN.. Kaya ‘pag may BATIKOS sa kakayahan mo, maapektuhan ka man, ‘wag na ‘wag mong ipapakitang pinanghihinaan ka ng loob.. Dahil ‘pag down ka, lalo ka pang ida-down ng mga taong nang-aapi sa’yo.. Hindi masamang pumalag at kumibo.. Hindi lahat ng sinasabi ng iba ang TAMA, kailangan pa din nating ipaglaban ang TOTOO at MABUTI.. lalo na kung wala naman talaga tayong hinahangad kung hindi ang KABUTIHAN para sa MUNDO..

FLASHBACK:

Last year, ang press release kesyo nang-iipit daw ako ng bata, as in hindi ko inaakyat ‘yung mga maiinam.. Kasi ‘pag reading test na, may mga bata akong magagaling.. Nakakasakit ng loob.. Araw-araw buong taon, naghihirap ako sa pagtuturo tapos sasabihin niya ko ng kung anu-ano.. Hindi naman ‘yung credit sa pagiging masipag o magaling na teacher ang habol ko o OUTSTANDING sa T.I.P... Ang sa ‘kin lang, parang sinasabi niyang hindi ako nagtuturo.. Masakit para sa ‘kin ‘yung ginawa niya.. Kaya hindi ko natiis, hindi rin nila ko napigilan, kinompronta ko talaga siya.. Ayun, todo deny ang lola mo.. Wala naman daw siyang sinasabi.. Si Shiela daw ‘yung sinabihan niyang nang-iipit ng bata.. Hmppp.. Ang galing ng depensa.. Talagang paghahamak sa kakayahan ng iba.. Subukan niya kayang magturo para uminam naman ang mga bata niya at hindi niya isinisisi sa mga kasama niya ‘yung mga kapabayaan niya.. ‘Yun lang naman kasi ang KASO.. SIYA ANG HINDI NAGTUTURO! Masyado siyang busy-busyhan..

Siyempre ‘pag pasukan pa lang, wala akong batang pwedeng ipambato, puro pambalibag.. Section 3 ako, lahat ng latak nasa ‘kin.. Nag-uumpisa talaga ako sa wala.. Mula sa paghawak ng lapis, papunta sa pagkatutong sumulat, bumasa, umunawa ng binabasa at magpaliwanag ng binabasa hanggang sa madaming bagay na kailangan nilang matutunan..
Sa maghapon, start ng 7:30 or 8 na kamo, makakaupo lang ako at makakapagpahinga ng 11 or 11:30.. resume 1:30, 4:30 na ulit ang tapos.. Kahit hindi ko gustong maging teacher talaga, iniisip ko din naman ‘yung mga bata.. Ayoko din naman silang pabayaan.. Kaya lahat ng pwede kong gawin, ginagawa ko para sa kanila..
Sabi nga ‘di ba ng mga kaibigan ko, nakalimutan ko na daw ‘yung sarili ko.. Lahat ng oras na pwede kong ibigay, ibinibigay ko sa kanila, kahit hindi pa ko matulog, basta lang may maiambag ako sa araw-araw nilang pagpasok sa eskwelehan.. Mabigat sa loob ‘yung mga pagkakataon na feeling ko hindi ako effective, pero mas lalo lang siguro akong magagalit sa sarili ko kung alam kong wala naman talaga akong pinaghihirapan at pinagsisikapan..
Kung hindi ko kayang mahalin ang pagiging teacher ko para sa sarili ko, at least for them, I am willing to do.. Kaya hindi ako nagpapabaya..
Kahit na minsan sumasakit ang puso ko, kung hindi ko kayang maging okay para sa sarili ko, pinipilit kong maging okay para sa kanila.. Sige pa din.. Turo pa din.. Nananaig pa din sa ‘kin ang kagustuhan kong tumulong sa ibang tao.. Wala akong ibang hinahangad kundi mapabuti ang mga batang dumadaan sa kamay ko..
Mas matatanggap ko pa ngang sabihan ako na WALA AKONG PAKISAMA kaysa ipamukha sa ‘kin na HINDI AKO NAGTUTURO.. Upuuan na ko ng lahat ng principal, supervisor at superintendent, hindi ako mayayanig.. dahil alam ko sa sarili kong NAGTUTURO AKO.. Case Closed!

THE GENIUS and THE WITHDRAWN

I used to hate her.. for making my life as a student sometimes a little harder and a lot harder most of the time.. We are the exact opposite.. She was a consistent honor student, and me, a consistent headache of teachers and regular customer of principal’s office.. During elementary days and especially high school, there was a feeling that it is a burden to be her sister, because her teachers happened to be my teachers, too.. No matter how obvious our big big difference, they still expected me to be like her.. In scale of 1 to 10, she is 10 times of that 10, and I am only, proud to say, negative 5.. See the complications? Hehe: )

She has high standards in everything and I am only wanting ordinary things.. because I am not one of a kind, I am not dreaming to have the best..

She really has the brain, no doubt, she’s now working in the corporate world, moving in a class social circle, earning huge amount of money..

And me, my life rotates in a four-corner world. But in the world where realities exist.. Where I am sharing all that I have to somehow help ease the effect of having to live in a very low class life of the people around me..

She constantly say to me that I cannot solve every problem in this world.. That I should control myself for being sobrang mapagkawang-gawa.. That I also need to think of myself, bla bla bla…..

She is not against on my passion to reach out to the people who need help.. She only wanted to make me realize the boundaries especially if there are things I also need to fix on my own.. But I would just tell her, mahirap na nga tayo, pero may mas mahihirap pa sa ‘tin..


In spite of some ugly memories in my school days, we are still sisters.. Now that we both see our own worth in this world, one thing that I am sure of, she understands me, in my desire to serve.. I was never like her but she is one those people who cares about me.. Who knows me and sees the real me.

Yes, I grew up hating her.. When we were young, I was always trying to make her life miserable in return to the emotional and mental torture of being her ANTONYM..

But I don’t hate her anymore.. I thank her because of the challenge, on how I would get through with it all.. I wouldn’t strive to prove myself if I wasn’t put in countless humiliation.. I knew she didn’t want it to happen to me, it was the world that caused me.. It was not her fault after all..

We are created not to expect ourselves to be like others, we are here to live our life on how we can make full use of what we are..