B.I.

 

The beauty of first love, it never dies..

He texted me last night, asking my help.. but I didn’t bother to text him back.. You may wonder what happened to the very entertaining girl they knew..  I decided to junk the character.. to guard myself from the unpredictable moves of the outside world..

I’ve gone too much distress in the past because of him.. It would be best to disable totally all his access in my life for I realized he is no longer a part of my present.. Besides, I never really knew him, even his real name.. I have loved him, in spite of all the uncertainties and lies..  But what we had before was only my envisioned.. and it was ruined.. buried in the past.. thanks to him..

Maybe all I wish to get for letting him come in and out of my life again and again before is to hear him admit that he intended to break my heart, that he never really loved me, and say sorry for everything.. Because I really wish to give my forgiveness for all the damages he had done inside me.. 

When I think of him today, I remember someone who is not likely the ones that I grew up with.. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me.. Someone who could stand seeing me broken.. Someone I wish I never knew.. I hate to come at this point I would say all these.. but it’s the only way I could let go all the anger and frustrations I kept inside me when he made me feel so unworthy..

For Ate, B.I. means Bad Influence, he is a bad influence to me.. For me, his bad intentions inspire me most on where I should stand at everything that comes my way.. All the wrong things he had made me believe guide me through my journey.. That it is still great to live your life being fair and honest with other people and with yourself.. Infairness to him, he is not that bad.. I saved the good things I have seen to him.. but of course, the bad ones, I discarded.. B.I. means Biggest Influence.. on what is the right thing to choose, considering the effects of the worst things he had showed me..

Love is not about the things you think, it’s about what you feel inside your heart.. If you don’t really love a person, at least don’t use them, don’t fool them, let them know, let them go.. Be HONEST.. Respect their feelings.. They must embrace the truth no matter how hard it may seem.. You wouldn’t know how much you can break their hearts if you will try to make them believe of what is not true..

Don’t worry, I already met bunch of his kind.. I learned a lot.. My heart got broken so many times.. But I still believe that there is someone in this world who would show me that love is not that unfair all the time.. I still believe there is goodness in every person.. And even if my heart gets broken everytime, I know there is a God UP there who would help me heal..